BFM #276 ~ Goes Down for a Naming at Bonner’s Winkie

By Mr. Snuffleupamuff, June 6, 2009
To go or not to go. It was chilly, raining and my foot hurt. But how could I not attend this week’s hash? Our beloved Little F*cking Winkie was coming back for a visit. He’s the self-proclaimed founder of the BFMH3. If it wasn’t for him, we’d be home watching Must See TV on our Thursday nights.
But besides the lure of the little winkie, there was the possible naming of Just Jill. We’ve gone for six long months and somehow we were still referring to her nerd name. It was bound to be an eventful night. All to be had at our favorite hash-bar, Bonner’s Irish Pub.
I arrived with Raginal Discharge to a smaller crowd than I anticipated, but as it turned out, the rain simply slowed their commute. The night ended with a decent sized Mob. Even comes-latelys were seen: Lick Hymen was able to come out during the rain delay of the kickball game, Virg!n Pimp persuaded his girlfriend to untie him, and somehow the US Border Agents let Little F*cking Winkie back into our post-911 country. He brought his illegal girlfriend, Just Karen, who hails from Toronto. Canadians must be easy. But then again, so is the hash.
Goes Down Often went down on the short straw and the ever gallant Jingle Ballzz volunteered to help the damsel in distress. Mistake number one.

The two halfminds set out to lay trail with a mysterious red-brick colored chalk. Mistake number two. 

[Note to future GMs. Red-brick colored chalk does not show up on red-brick sidewalks.]

Off the mob went to follow the invisible trail. Wandering aimisly south along the Schuylkill river. Where they went from there I’ll never know as I followed the invisible trail towards city hall and around Rittenhouse Square without ever coming across the hares or the Mob. Wet and lonely, I returned to Bonners to douse my frustration in a pitcher of Lager.

The ineffective hares returned before I could finish my pitcher and the Mob was hot on their tail. In came (listed in random alphabetical order) Fire Down Under, One Inch In, Deep Discunt, Just Alex, Short Distance Rimmer, Hold The Sausage, E=My Cock Squared, Working Girl, Midnight Tranny To Georgia, Two Clump Chump, Just Becky, Rear Engineer, Raginal Discharge, Softcore Analyst, Big Tackle, SexDeniedTonight, Mediocre & Stupid, Just Rachel, Cherry Poppins, Post Anal Drip, Nappy Headed Ho, Holly F*ck, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Where’s My Vag!na, Cause For Blindness, Flounder, Lick Hymen, Tickle My Elmo, Wizard Of Ass, Sh!tty Date, Just Liz, Scooby Snatch, Virg!n Pimp, Little F*cking Winkie, Just Karen, Fruit Of The Clue and We’re Not Voting. Beer was passed out and armfuls of pitchers were bought for the…

Circle: The ineffective hares were Goes Down Often and Jingle Ballzzz. Visitors were Little F*cking Winkie and Just Karen traveling all the way from Canada. “What do you call my cheese? Nacho cheese.” CumsLately was Little F’cking Winkie who came back for a Hash Wedding (Philly Hashers). Virg!n Pimp hasn’t been here in a while either. Auto hashers were Fruit, HTS, We’re Not Voting, Just Jill, and others. There were a bunch of accusations, but I only heard a few above your stinking loud mouths. We’re Not Voting ran prior to the hash then went home to shower, change, and came to auto hash. Deep Discunt did a marathon in Mexico. Sh!tty Date wore racing socks with no underwear. Rear Engineer did an Iron Man half way. Fire Down Under did a triathlon Upstate. Mr. Snuffleupamuff did a duathlon which is not quite a threesome. Goes Down Often was letting it all hang out with her pants unbuttoned in circle. And when one ineffective hare drinks….    This brought us to a naming! Just Jill was finally kneeling before us. She was interrogated by our Religious Advisor, Scooby Snatch. Just Jill researches strokes while laying in the missionary position but does volunteer with the Mile High Club. Some name suggestions were tossed into the circle. We’re Not Voting assisted when we weren’t voting. The name suggestions that made it into the final round of eliminations were Mile High Virg!n, Stroke All Of Me, Stroke For The Cure, Fills Her Up, Landing Strip, Stroke My Cockpit, but the name that won the common vote and not the electoral vote was ….. Sleeps Around The Cock. If you don’t know where her name comes from, then you’ll just have to attend next year’s Bay To Breakers Hash in San Francisco.

Announcements: Medicore & Stupid is having a party for the Philadelphia Championship Bicycle Race. Details are on facebook. If you aren’t friends with her on facebook, you probably are not friends with her, and if you are not friends with her, why would you want to go to her party? The BFM Prom Hash is Thursday June 11, 2009 at TA Flannerys. This is the biggest night of the year and your chance to dress up for a chance to take the dress off and hit the sack with a fellow hasher. Rear Engineer has rented out the bar for our private party so be prepared to take public transportation and prophylactics. Bruce-a-Palooza is June 27th. It’s a leg-breaking good time. The world famous Cousin It Phillies Tailgate is August 8th. The date is guaranteed to be changed, but also guaranteed to be the best tailgate you have ever attended.

On on YFF

~ Mr. Snuffleupamuff

 


categories Trash

2 Responses to “BFM #276 ~ Goes Down for a Naming at Bonner’s Winkie”

  1. Rimmer says:
    June 8, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Where the hell is trash for #275?

    Slackers…

  2. Kalebarkab says:
    June 9, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    I want to find good pop music. Help me please.

Leave a Reply

Staypressed theme by Themocracy