BFM #284 Wooly Beavers
You know it’s a good bar when you walk in and see a large sign advertising Beamish Beer. And things only got better. Hats off to our well endowed Grand Master for working out several good deals. More on that later.
It was the last Thursday of an unusually mild July and a little on the warmer side this time around. I was smart enough to wear all black. Who would make a performance tech running shirt black anyway? Blame it on the half-minds of San Fran H3. So I stealthy arrived last minute to find the Mob spilling out of Wooly Mammoth onto South Street. I’m always amused when passersby stop to see what the hubbub is. Our ever-tireless Religious Advisor, Scooby Snatch explained to them what the flour markings meant.
And off the Mob went on pursuit of the hares, Two Clump Chump and One Night Only. South of South Street we went, dashing through sidewalk cafes, sprinting through the left-overs of the Italian Market and sidetracking an outdoor musical performance. Two Clump Chump lived up to his name, but we did manage to find the shot check at Cleavage to Beaver’s abode. Once through her front door I was assaulted by the view of a very large bed in the middle of her living room. It does, however, fit her sexual personality – always put the bedroom first. This spicy harriett spent last weekend experimenting with ingredients to come up with some sweet and tangy shots that were frozen into slushies to beat the heat. The red drinks went well with the orange Cheetoes.
Lingering a little longer than usual in the air-conditioning, the Mob finally departed and followed trail to the bar – the way the bee flies. Upstairs we found a large open area with some pool tables, our very own bartender and the perfect setting for a
circle
The crotch air-out still survives.
Our hares were Two Clump Chump as well as One Night Only
Front Running Bastard was Son of a Goat Fcker
Dead F’ing Last was S&M Man
Our virgin (who was born again) was Just JD
A visitor? Scamming Ol’ Ladies from the Finally Friday Fckoff Hash in Japan.
Comes Latelies were Skin Fiddle, Just Trist, Just Peter, Little F’ing Winkie
Auto Wankers were Cousin It, Cleavage To Beaver, S&M Man, Skin Fiddle, and Little F’ing Winkie escorted by Goes Down Often.
At this point the circle was infiltrated by two drunks. Our RA, Scoobie Snatch didn’t miss a beat and invited them in for a down down as we sang to them. Perhaps these two wankers were hashers in their former lives, because they almost fit in. Almost. The one shirtless drunkard kept repeating over and over as he walked away, “I’m stupid, I’m stupid.” Sigh. If it wasn’t for your mother.
Accusations were aired. Just JD littered on trail. Dr. Squeal Good for being as blind as a surgeon. Fire Down Under and Scooby Snatch do everything together including dressing alike. Goes Down Often was dressed like she was working the corner, but that accusation was shot down because it is exceptional hash behavior to wear slinky black dresses, with high heals and no underwear. S&M Man was accused of blathering some mindless dribble. Snap Off and Working Girl are racists for participating in the Pajama Run (knowing Working Girl’s history of donning elegant lacey things, I’d like to see pictures of this Pajama Run). Big Tackle was a big oaf and fell down some steps. The RA announced a birthday side side and the women suddenly rushed to Working Girl, as to not be left out of the opportunity to hold a healthy piece of meat. It was rather disgusting the way they swooned over him. He managed to drink his beer side ways and hopped out of the circle with his shoes tied together and bruises from being groped.
Announcements:
- Mr. Snuffleupamuff has On On Foot Magnets. Ask for one at any hash.
- Cousin It said something inaudible, but my translating-beer-bottle informed me that around 80 people are coming to the Phillies Tailgate and it is going to be a big f’ing mess. Cousin It will be back next Thursday to repeat this message.
- The Philadelphia Hash House Harriers are hitting trail this Tuesday, cohared by The Rash and Cunting Season.
- There are about 11 of us doing the Tuckahoe Sprint Triathlon/Duathlon/Aqua Bike (something for everyone). The registration is still open. Should be a good time because we have some beginners as well as some overachieving ass-clowns in the group. We will be BBQing after the event.
- The BFM will convene this Thursday in the Chestnut Hill neighborhood. It is a quick train ride there. If you pay the $6.75 to ride round trip you get Free Hash, Free Dinner and a Free Keg of Beer. Wow.
Rear Engineer announced that he was not holding stripper cash, but rather jukebox cash. The bar gave us free music. The bar also gave us free nachos. What a great bar! But then I heard Journey on the jukebox and changed my mind.
Who Else Came?
Virgin Pimp, Sleeps Around The Cock, Bonsai Bush, Just Julia, Target, Just Peter, Mignight Tranny To Georgia, Just Martin, SoftCore Analyst, and me, Mr. Snuffleupamuff
Over heard at the hash:
Softcore Analyst: “Dude, I lost my shorts.”
Goes Down Often: “I can’t come.”
I think if you stuck around longer, Mr. Muff, you would have heard more suitable juke-box masterpieces — e.g. “Sex & Candy.” Kudos on posting the trash promptly, though
.
why does everyone have to hate on journey?
@sloppy ho Why does anyone feel it is mandatory to sing journey at karaoke? Some Journey related queries are just unanswerable.