BFM #285 Muff Fest 2009! Do you know the Muff Man?
On this Thursday, the Ben Franklin Mob celebrated the 2nd Annual Muff Fest, hosted by Muff the Magic On Sec: Mr. Snuffleupamuff!
Muff Fest was inspired by the real Muff Festival that began 29 years ago in the small town of Muff, Ireland. It’s a mostly wholesome gathering of townspeople to enjoy sports, beer, dancing, etc. But put that same idea into the head of a hasher and see how he r*ns with it:
Who came: Cause for Blindness, Flounder, Just Dave, Just Marty, Hold the Sausage, Short-Distance Rimmer, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Reginal Discharge, Europeen’ On Me, S&M Man, Snap-off, Fruit of the Clue, Just Jess, Soft-core Analist, Lunar Digit, 2 Clump Chump, Just JD, Where’s My Vagina, Fire Down Under, Son of a Goatfucker, Bonsai Bush, Piss Cycle, Dr. Squealgood, One Night Only, Pedalphile, Target, Pound My Bottom, Virgin Pimp, Just Jill, E=MyCock², Goes Down Often, Mediocre and Stupid, Strap-on
The mob ventured out to the wilds of Chestnut Hill for this special occasion, because, in general, hashers will do anything for muff.
Trail weaved in and out of the upper crust restaurants on The Hill, with Hashers spraying sweat and profanities as they passed. (Several of the restaurants are now undergoing investigation for multiple health code violations.) After passing a neighborhood where God would live if only he had the money, the mob entered Fairmont Park for a beer check. The Old English went very well with all that old money, and, recharged, the hashers charged on. Trail continued on through Mt. Airy, passing multiple train stations and underage youth looking for beer, before returning to the Muff Castle. There, Hashers were greeted with beer while Hold the Sausage fended off bands of irate parents who were trying to put their children to bed.
Inside, Reginal Discharge and Mr. Snuffleupamuff served a rare treat to BFMers: real food. After tasting Muff’s homecookin’ and shots of Muff’s homebrew, the mob was geared up for the
Circle:
Hares: Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Reginal Discharge
Visitors/Virgins: Pound My Bottom – didn’t sing, Just Dave (Bottom made him come) – showed his nipple, Just Marty (Beer made him cum) – told a joke: Autopsy found that Michael Jackson died of food poisoning: he had eaten 12 year old nuts.
FRB: Pedalphile
DFL: Cause for Blindness, One Night Only
Cums Latelys: Cause for Blindness, Piss Cycle, MediStu, Flounder, Where’s My Vagina, Europeen’ On Me, Pedalphile, Lunar Digit
Auto-Hashers: Virgin Pimp, MediStu, Goes Down Often
Accusations:
Hares for something that “clogs easily”
Muff accused Pisscycle for not living up to her name
Snap-off for a r*cist T-shirt
Bonsai Bush’s husband for claiming that a chipmunk ate the false
Violation: Bonsai’s hubby for wearing a hat
Muff returned Lunar Digit’s boots that had been left there 2 years ago; they didn’t explain why; no one asked
E=MyCock² for dressing twice during the hash
Pisscycle and Fruit of the Clue – R*cists, both of them
Snap-off for not providing Vodka at her Vodka party
MediStu, Pedalphile – for not sharing MediStu’s boob with everyone
Goes Down Often for her Marilyn Monroe impersonation
Announcements: Mr. Snuffleupamuff has a loved-one with Multiple Sclerosis, so he will be participating in the MS 150 City to Shore Bike Tour. If you would like to donate to his team, please click here.
Cousin It’s Phillies tailgate will be held August 2010.
After circle, muffcakes were served, which are peach cupcakes that look remarkably like vaginas. They prompted the following remarks:
Question: Where’s my vagina?
Answer: In the cupcakes.
Try these; they look like vaginas and taste even better!
For any poor sops who couldn’t make it to Muff Fest 2009, you can view the trail at this link, then take a train to Chestnut Hill West and r*n the trail by yourself. Keep in mind that if you do, there will be no beer and we’ll all laugh at you.
And, regardless of whether or not you were there, you can get a great t-shirt if you click here.
Finally, if you ever do go to the Muff Festival in Ireland, you can also stop by the Muff Diving Club and get their classic t-shirts, or the other Muff Diving Club and get their classic t-shirts.
Overheard at the Hash:
There are no vegetarian Italians.
While the Mob crooned the Hot Vagina Song, Just Dave was overheard whispering to Pound My Bottom, “This is amazing.” Clearly a man of low standards–he should fit in nicely.
On, On,
Little Red Riding Wood
great set of mufflinks in the trash