BFM #290 Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee…
Ah, Sugar Mom’s, my favorite place to drink below sea level.
Who came: Post Anal Drip, Soft-core Analyst, Son of a Goatfucker, CYHMN?, Rash, Rear Engineer, Big Tackle, Tickle My Elmo, Just Karen, Whack-a-Mole, Swollen Cockpit, Skinfiddle, Short Distance Rimmer, Hold the Sausage, S & M Man, Cleavage 2 Beaver, Fruit of the Clue, 1 Night Only, Randy Dykes, Keep Your Tits to Yourself, Moroccan Mole, 2 Clump Chump, Just Martin, Dr. Squealgood, Just Bill
The mob gathered this week at Mom’s, a dark, warm, and welcoming place–almost like a womb but with beer and foosball. There, many people were discussing the recent Naked Bike Ride. Luckily, they held it this year, rather than 2007 when Philly was voted America’s Ugliest City.
Hold the Sausage then called the mob outside to give chalk talk in a better light for her disco-ball shirt. During her talk, Sausage, who should have known better, answered her cell phone to tell 2 Clump, who went to the wrong bar, where we were. When 2 Clump arrived he was appropriately pointed and laughed at.
Trail began ordinarily enough. The mob spread out looking for marks. There were two checks close together and a little confusion as to where trail led. I headed North, found no marks, and upon returning to the check, found no hashers. Now I know not everyone is blessed with as loud a voice as my own. But, come on people: when you find trail again after a check, SAY SOMETHING, preferably, "On, On!’"
Being an experienced hasher, I eventually found trail, and, though I was by myself, I called out when I was on. The BC 12 on Front Street was a particularly loud time. I met back up with the mob at the beer check, which was at Woolly Mammoth’s. There, a single beer was sitting on the bar, almost as if it were waiting for me. I love the Hash.
But enough about me. The hare ran out of flour and so we just went On In. Back at Mom’s a case of ice-cold PBR pounders were open and ready for the
Circle:
Hare: Cleavage 2 Beaver
Visitors/Transplants: Whack-a-Mole (sang “A Soldier I Will Be”), Moroccan Mole (Joke: A Pirate walks into a Bar and he has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The Bartender says “What’s that for?”, and the Pirate says, “Yarrrr….It’s drivin’ me nuts.”), Keep Your Tits to Yourself (sang)
DFL/FRB: 1 Night Only, Just Martin
Cums Latelies: Can You Hear Me Now?, Little Red Riding Wood
Auto-Hashers: Rear Engineer, Rimmer, Sausage, Rash, Skinfiddle,
Softcore, Dr. Squealgood
Accusations:
Elmo accused Hold the Sausage of being too shiny for circle
2 Clump for accusing Just Martin of "rubbing one off" either on or at a federal building (my notes don’t say what; whatever it was, though, was deemed acceptable Hash behavior)
Cleavage 2 Beaver for getting her hair cut in case she became a hare caught
Sausage for tech during chalk-talk
2 Clump for fucking the RA virtually
2 Clump for going to the wrong bar
Fruit for not getting naked during the Naked Bike Ride
Rear for posting the wrong date for the hash
1 Night Only for stopping to get her palm read on trail
2 Clump for eating too much chocolate for beer?
Post Anal Drip for passing nursing school
Then there was
A Spanking! A Spanking!
Oh, I mean….
A Naming! A Naming!
Just Martin, the beleaguered and until now nameless husband of Bonsai Bush was called into the circle for a naming. Luckily for him, his wife was not there to share his porn habits with the mob.
Stats: He was born and lost his virginity in Canada, his favorite website is Farmville, favorite sexual position is Doggy-style, and for the Naked Bike Ride he wore a sock and a smile. Those bits of information were enough to inspire a whole slew of names: Sock Monkey, Needs Improvement, Sheep Style, Slow Dance Chubby, Backhoe, Tube Cock, Fucking Canuck, Turd Herder, Miyagi Meat, Sack in the Saddle Again.
Well, in this phallocentric tyranny, the cock rules the night, so Just Martin will forever be known as Tube Cock.
Announcements:
The next Naked Bike Ride will be Sunday, September 5, 2010, so start your crunches now.
Special Note:
No new pictures have been posted on the site since Hash#277. WTF, people! We can’t fill the beer coffers with blackmail money if we don’t have any incriminating photos.
Overheard at the Hash:
Your shirt is giving me epilepsy.
Fruit: Someone come over here and suck my cock,
Beaver: Hey S&M Man, get over here!
I’m pretty sure we ended up talking about poop.
Tube Cock is lactating beer.
Decorum takes about ½ an hour.
The Ninja Humping returns!
Under boob!
On, On,
lrrw
Ha ha – love the name; way to go, Canadian!
I got excited when I clicked the link to the photo of the butt! And then I saw the manly hands. Uhg….