I can’t think of anything interesting as a tangential introduction for this trash, but I have been cooking a lot lately so here’s a recipe involving bacon:

 Pig Candy

Bacon (as many strips as you can fit on a baking sheet)
Dark Brown Sugar (about ¾ cup, or enough to coat all your bacon)

Directions:

 So there you go. Anyway. Apparently Gallagher’s is the place to come out of the woodwork, because tonight I saw hashers I haven’t seen in forever because they went and got jobs/girlfriends/morals/good taste/etc.  Tonight it was Cause for Blindness, Rear Engineer, Just Ed, Flounder Hold the Sausage, The Rash, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Scooby Snatch, Mediocre and Stupid, Grab My Handlebars, 2 Clump Chump, Fruit of the Clue, Just Martin, Bansai Bush, Just Karen, One Inch In, Deep Discunt, Wizard of Ass, Big Tackle, Son of a Goat F*cker, Softcore Analyst, Tickle My Elmo, Piss Cycle, Jingle Balzzz, Where’s My Vagina, Working Girl, Sleeps Around the Cock, Snap Off, Randy Dykes!, Just Julia, One Night Only, Short Distance Rimmer, Just Buck, Just Tristan, Just Christy, Just Dean, Fire Down Under, Arabian Moon, Just Rebecca, S&M Man, and Cleavage to Beaver.

After a fair amount of loafing at the bar, Hold the Sausage and Short Distance Rimmer volunteered to be hares.  Now, just a note: when wankers volunteer to be hares they have something in mind.  Sometimes it’s very good, like Little Red Riding Wood’s Annual Viewing of the Christmas Lights and People in South Philly.  At other times, like tonight, it’s simply evil.  I was out with an injury, so I got to witness the largest number of angry hashers coming back from a trail, ever, and it was awesome. Apparently trail went down West River Drive, up Sweetbriar, across the Girard Bridge, and then back up Kelly Drive. So! Kudos to the hares!  I’m definitely going to be injured the next time they hare, too.

Beer quickly soothed the savage hashers, and attention turned to The Circle.

The Circle

Hares: Hold the Sausage, Short Distance Rimmer

Virgins: Just Rebecca (coerced by Just Tristan, apparently), and Just Dean (via Just Christy, I think)

Visitors: Just Christy from Mozambique, Arabian Moon from St Louis, and Randy Dykes! from Raleigh.  One of them showed a body part, but I’ll leave it to your filthy imaginations just who showed what.

First In/Last In: Snap Off, Deep Discunt, One Inch In

Headgear: Deep Discunt

Come Latelies: Skin Fiddle, Post Anal Drip, Up Her Ali, Just Tristan, Just Buck, Tickle My Elmo, Swollen Cockpit, Softcore Analyst

Autohashers: The Rash, Skin Fiddle, Post Anal Drip, Nappy Headed Ho, Swollen Cockpit

Accusations

For Eating in Circle: One Inch In, Big Tackle, Where’s My Vagina, Short Distance Rimmer, Fruit of the Clue, Fire Down Under, and a cast of thousands

For being a r*cist: 2 Clump Chump

For getting some on trail: One Inch In, Deep Discunt

For complaining about looking at boobs all week: S&M Man

For looking like a Fly Girl: Post Anal Drip

On principle: the hares, again

For wearing a Canadian tuxedo (also called a Texas tuxedo): Snap Off

And there my notes kinda go to hell.  They say something about “no mustache”, and then someone apparently accused Leonard Nimoy for looking like Leonard Nimoy.

But, no matter, we also had a naming tonight.  Scooby Snatch pointed out that Just Julia had worn the same organic vegetable t-shirt ever time she showed up to the hash, so that was worth a name.  After a bunch of vegetable-related suggestions, we found out that she’d gotten some action in Africa and she was summarily named Twat of Darkness. (Don’t get it?  Go look up Joseph Conrad)

Overheard at the Hash One-Liners

Rear Engineer: He just touched my penis.

Tickle My Elmo: Something is in the back of my throat, tickling, and it’s not the usual thing.

Fire Down Under: I just got a mouthful of bush!

On On,

The Rash