Ok, so I’m about to crank up a rant that I’m pretty certain will interest absolutely no one but me, so I suggest that you simply skip to the hilarious Not-Safe-For-Work link below.  If you are the least bit curious as to how on earth I found that, then here it is: I am a huge horror fan, mostly movies, but also books. (But not that Dean Koontz sh*t, more like Poe.) Now one of my favorite authors is from the twenties and kind of obscure (HP Lovecraft), but a whole bunch of movies have been made from his short stories. (And a webcomic.) Just an aside – when it comes to HP Lovecraft, the movie title does not always match the movie plot and this pisses me off to no end. For example “Dagon” actually has the plot from “Shadow Over Innsmouth” and while you may think this is trivial, to my way of thinking this is like going to see “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” but ending up with a movie that has the plot of the “Cannonball Run.” Both involve Burt Reynolds, but are fundamentally different. Anyway. One of the instances where everything did match up was “The Re-Animator”, which was suprisingly realistic for featuring a man casually strolling around with his own disembodied head, and thus spawned progressively sillier sequels (Return of Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator, Re-Animator in 3D!, The Re-Animator Strikes Back, etc)  At any rate, I’ve watched all of them, and hence found the following clip, which naturally made me think of you people. Enjoy.

And here it is, a clip of a rat fighting a disembodied penis.  And losing.

So, this evening’s hash started at Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar, which is a totally awesome bar and you should go there often. In fact right now, if you’re not busy. Rolling in this evening were Just Ed, Flounder, Cause for Blindness, Up Her Ali, Mediocre and Stupid, Two Clump Chump, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Just Becky, Grab My Handlebars, Just Anne, Just Matt from Princeton, where a hash involves running 8 miles and half a beer, so be warned, Son of a Goatf*cker, Just Bill, another Just Bill (get out here quick and make a wish, Snappy!)  Short Distance Rimmer, Hold the Sausage, Rear Engineer, The Rash, Just Karen, SoftCore Analyst, Where’s My Vagina, Sly Fox, Fruit of the Clue, Twat of Darkness, Sleeps Around the Cock, Just Buck, and Jingle Balzzz.  One Night Only and Skin Fiddle showed up to autohash.  

Softcore Analyst and Just Karen were the lucky hares tonight, so they grabbed the flour and headed out to lay trail.  It’s been while, so I remember absolutely nothing about this trail, except numerous restaurant experiences were ruined by passing hashers, and that the hares were then caught by Son of a Goatf*cker (not a surprise) and Fruit of the Clue (holy sh*t you must be kidding).  At any rate, every wanker found their way back to the back and proceeded with circle.

The Circle

Hares: Softcore Analyst, Just Karen

Virgins: Just Anne, Just Bill

Visitors: Just Matt, who told a bad joke about stocks

First In/Last In: Up Her Ali, Just Bill, and under the When One Just Bill Drinks rule, Just Bill

Comes Latelies: Sly Fox, Sleeps Around the Cock

Autohashers: The Rash, Rear Engineer, Skin Fiddle, One Night Only

Accusations:

On Principle: The Hares

For Something I Can’t Read: Just Anne

Tech on Trail: Just Bill

For Going Slow Enough to Let Fruit Catch the Hares: Son of a Goatf*cker

For Timing Trail: Where’s My Vagina

For No Beer Check: The Hares

For Letting the Beer/Running Speaker Go Off With the Fishtown Beer Runners and Not Us: Sly Fox

For Really Being Last In: Cause, Flounder

 

 

And finally, there was a naming.  Just Becky was ordered to kneel in the circle, and because of her job as a real-life Homer Simpson (her actual job is like Homer’s at a power plant, she’s not a Homer Simpson impersonator or anything) (As far as I know)  she was named in record time: Chernoblow.

 

The hash then wandered off to stuff themselves with cheesesteaks, and that was the night. Tada.

 

On On,

The Rash