On this night the Mob met that the Institute in the Fairmount section of Philly. I’m found of this bar, as it is truly a mom and pop establishment. The Mob first met here when it first opened, as it is in walking distance of the lair of the phalocentric tyrants. It’s my understanding that Just Don walks over every morning to get his fix. Over the past year that the Institute has been open we watched as they expanded their selection and built the upstairs into a second bar and dining room. Each booth has its own TV and appears to be a good place to watch your favorite college football team manhandle Michigan. My point is that I highly recommend you spend your dollars here on a non-hash day to keep mom and pop in business (and mom really knows her craft beers).

 

Reginal Discharge and I walked in just as straws were being selected. It was down to three straws. I know not to pick the straw sticking the furthest out, but Reginal was not aware of this and picked the short straw. Her response, “Oh fck no” meant that a nice gentleman was going to have to volunteer to lay trail for her. I took a step back and Nappy Headed Ho took a step up. Fruit of the Clue took his side. After all, this was Nappy’s neighborhood and who better to lay a good trail than somebody who knows streets other than I-676?

 

And a good trail it was once we found it. Unfortunately the Mob blindly jogged ½ mile in the wrong direction without ever seeing a dollop of flour. Here’s a tip for all you newer hashers (and goodness knows there are 50 of you). We call “on on” when you see 3 globs of flour in a row. This accomplishes several goals: 1. it lets the pack know you are on trail and not blindly following a drunken halfmind. 2. it annoys the neighbors. 3. it allows the hashers who have fallen a few blocks behind to follow the sound of the hollering pack.

 

After doubling back the half mile (adding one mile to the trail) we found flour and scampered through some interesting neighborhoods. Some blocks were shady, but suddenly you would have a decent looking block mixed in with normal looking people. And it would be shady again. There were the urban folk hanging out on the corner providing some good quotes as they called out to us. The trail was pretty well laid, taking us through unchartered territory, down long and narrow alleyways, over broken crack vials, past blathering homeless people, and laid well enough to keep the pack together. Heck, even Flounder was FRB at some points. From Fairmount we crossed through Northern Liberties and upon heading back around we came to the beer check at Nappy’s. Out of his own good will, he provided a 24 pack of beer. Except there was 25 of us. No worries, the bottle of vodka from his freezer sufficed.

 

The Mob milled around while the Religious Advisor, Hold The Sausage and her cohorts freed a cat that was precariously trapped in a fence. Off to the vet she and her group went as the rest of us walked the three blocks back to the bar. Really. The beer check was three blocks from the bar. But free beer is good beer and I’m not one to complain verbally.

 

With the RA gone it was up to other members of mismanagement to lead circle. Who better qualified than our former GM, Up Her Ali. And what a strange circle it was. UHA kept us orderly with directives such as, “All right fcko’s.” Accusations were heard. I believe Anal Pro Boner was the FRB for the night, as she had slipped back into the bar after leading us on the one mile jaunt to nowhere. She had brought a virgin named Just Drea. There were no other virgins, but we had some visitors from HHHHH (Harrisburg/Hershey Hash House Harriers, otherwise known as H5.) I wrote their names down on a napkin and that is where they will stay. But I do remember one name – Butt Pirate. He made his daughter come. It appears that she is a hash baby, just all grown up now. – I think (we didn’t card her). They had some long songs and short jokes, but were a fun group.  

 

This month is apparently the trendy month to have a baby. We had several birthday side sides to carry out. Cause for Blindness, Goes Down Often and Big Tackle went through the ritual. There may have been a fourth side side, but I had several beers at this point. Rear Engineer was a no show and escaped the groping of the ladies.

 

Sadly, it was announced that Anal Pro Bonor was moving to Denver Colorado to be personal counsel for John Elway and this was her last hash. But she will return to visit, her first return being as early as Festivus Hash. Her hashing days date as far back as to when Can You Hear Me Now was named. She knows of a hash chapter known as the Liberty Bell H3. A quick check of BFM’s diligently kept records shows she hashed in the day of Tastes Like Chicken, Lunar Digit, Bitchard, and Tinkerbell. She was hashing back when the Mob frequented McGillan’s. She was always known to bring one or two virgins.

 

Other announcements: This week is BFM’s Halloween Hash. If you are one of the two people that don’t wear a costume, we will heckle you. The 300^th hashing of the Ben Franklin Mob is two weeks away and should be packed full of entertainment. There is the Young Friends Happy Hour hosted by Students Run Philly Style which is a great community service volunteered by several of our fellow wankers. Read the e-vite.

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