BFM #293: Who needs the Phils when you have the trash?
I know you’re drowning in your sorrows after last night’s game. Tragedy. But think about it like this: The baseball season might be over, but now you get to have your life back, you lucky dog, you. (Suspend reality for a second and pretend like it’s a reward.) Let the first act of that be reading this lovely trash, which I now have the time to write.
You may or may not remember this night (I don’t really care either way), but let me refresh your recollection. It was hash number 293, and we were at Drinker’s, everyone’s favorite Old City establishment. The crowd had assembled with a furor we hadn’t seen in weeks. There were hashers who hadn’t shown up in months, and others we hope won’t turn up for many moons to come. Regardless, it was a huge group. Don’t believe me? Here’s who I remember being there:
Up Her Ally, Just Hugh, Softcore Analyist, Cause for Blindness, Son of a Goatfucker, Fire Down Under, Tube Cock, Short Distance Rimmer, Rear Engineer, Hold the Sausage, Big Tackle, Just Anne, Lick Hymen, Snap Off, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Mediocre and Stupid, Dumpster, Scooby Snatch, Twat of Darkness, Just Travis, Mayor Quimby, Flounder, Bonsai Bush, Working Girl, Just Bill, Sleeps Around the Cock, Clevage to Beaver, Skin Fiddle, Cunting Season, Raginal Discharge, Mr. Snuffupamuff, Just Ari, Goes Down Often, I69, Sternum & Rectum, Hold my Handlebars
Somehow Clevage to Beaver pulled the short straw yet again, which either makes her the luckiest or unluckiest hasher of all time, depending on your point of view. Seriously, I think this might make the 30th time she’s hared in the past three weeks, which means that the next time you need a winning lottery ticket or an especially effective wing man, I’d turn to Cleavage. (Words to live by, methinks.)
Anyway, our lovely hare decided to make things interesting and headed through the treacherous historic section of Old City–you know, the one place in the whole city we’re forbidden from throwing flour in. As she laid trail and the pack got closer to the monuments, things got confusing. The pack refused to follow, and a whole lot of check hanging ensued. About 10 minutes into the crew’s indecision someone decided they were willing to risk drinking for tech on trail, and put in a call to figure out where the beer check was. Armed with insider information, we ran straight to McGillins, where C2B was just beginning to pour pitchers. The group spent the next 15 minutes or so fighting off over-eager potential suitors (Ha! Like that’d ever happen!) and downing Bud Light. Then it was a straight shot back to Drinkers, where we had
Circle:
Hares: Clevage to Beaver, Sleeps Around the Cock, Son of a Goat Fucker, Scooby Snatch
Virgins: Just Travis
Visitors: Dumpster (Pittsburgh)
FRB/DFL: Snapoff/Cause for Blindness
Comes Latelys: Cleavage to Beaver, GDO, Muff, Reginal Discharge, Cunting Season, Sternum & Rectum
Autohashers: I-69, Reginal Discharge, Hold my Handlebars, Muff, Sternum & Rectum, Skin Fiddle, Rear Engineer, Rash, Cunting Season
Accusations:
For being a racist, Snap Off
Sausage for coordinating her shoes to her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder (I assume it was her bra…)
Quimby for noticing that Sausage‘s shoes matched her outfit
Just Karen for not having sex because of a broken rib (where’s the dedication?!)
Twat of Darkness for turning Just Karen down for sweet, sweet broken-rib-lurvin
Scooby Snatch and Fire Down Under for being racists
For new shoes, Just Anne
I-69 for loving baby cows (huh? I don’t know either…)
Then we had some birthdays:
Scooby and Rimmer both did side-sides, and Rimmer had to drink yet again for getting his butt dropped
Announcements:
None of it’s relevent anymore. Oops.
Trail tonight is at T.A. Flannery’s
Trail next week is probably going to be near Center City–perfect considering the Students Run Philly Style fundraiser is that night at Fox and Hound.
Overheard:
As I type my coworker just apologized to someone for having a "package that’s too big." Hehe, she said package.
I was actually dropped on my head. Not that it makes any difference…