BFM #301 Turkey, tears and tryptophan–must be Hashgiving
While the turkey was roasting and you were nursing your hangover, a few overachievers were out stumbling around Philly, and I don’t just mean the people in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Last week’s hash was the fifth or sixth or something-th annual Thanksgiving hash–an event marked with daylight, mostly clean songs and light beer drinking. I know what you’re thinking–Sunlight, censorship and sobriety? Why show up?–But apparently people had a nice run, or something like that. All I know is that I came across Holy F*ck near Rittenhouse Park, and I followed her home, just like any one of you would have done.
Who crawled out of bed:
2 Clump, Rear Engineer, Virgin Pimp, Just Rachel, S&M Man, Cleavage to Beaver, 1 Night Only, Bumble Beaver, Just Charlie, Grab My Handlebars, Tube Cock, Bonsai Bush, Holy Fuck, Lickstick, Stumpy Starter Wood, Can’t Beat Sh*t
After the mob worked its way through half a case of warm Yuengling (wrapped coyly in newspaper coozies), we made our way back to Mace’s Crossing. Right around the time we got to the corner of 18th and Manning I came to a big life lesson. You always hear people talking about how tryptophan is to blame for the Thanksgiving lull. They’re frickin’ liars. It’s the hangover that makes you want to sleep All Day. Proof? It was a bunch of marathoners and general racists who showed up. But of those, only two ran back to Mace’s. I was one of them. I don’t know what you Mother Humpers were doing, but I’m pretty darn sure it wasn’t running. Hell, it wasn’t even jogging (with a soft J). Word on the street is that Handlebars got a cab back. Sinner.
More proof of your slackerdom: We had no RA to lead circle. Instead, the selfless (or self serving, or at least self servicing) S&M Man stepped in to lead us as we mumbled through dirty lines, and tried to keep circle clean. For the record, it was a futile attempt. See below.
Circle:
Hares: 2 Clump, S&M
Visitors: Lickstick, Stumpy Starter Wood, Can’t Beat Sh!t, Just Rachel
FRB/DFL: Me, Rear, Bumble Beaver, Clump Clump
Accusations:
Clumpy McClumperson for pouring beer on Just Charlie
Cleavage to Beaver for wearing new shoes*
Me for "something dumb"… No clue what that was.
C2B for having lost her virginity the night before
And according to my notes "CBS" (C2B?) for having high expectations. Silly virgin…
Around this time someone screamed out that Billy Penn has a giant boner. As it turns out, he does. The next time you’re coming down the Parkway, look up to catch an eyefull of whiskydick. Or, you could just go over to Tube Cock‘s for the real thing. (Bah dum dum!)
Announcements:
BFM #302 – Fairmount hash.
BFM #303 – Festivus Bar Crawl
BFM #304 – Little Red Riding Wood’s Festival of Lights – South Philly, Bar TBD
BFM #305 – Christmas Eve/Hanukkah Hash
BFM #306 – New Years Eve Hash. Approx start time of 1pm
Now might also be a good time to point out that 2 Clump has taken over the hash on Christmas Eve, and renamed it the Hanukkah hash. This would make sense, if it was on any one of the eight crazy nights like last year. But it’s not. Apparently he’s decided that since it’s on Christmas Eve, the only people who are going to show up are Jews. Sucks for you Buddhists, Wiccans and atheists. We don’t like your kind ’round here.
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*This is the face a kid on the street made as he watched C2B drink out of her shoe. Way to go, Cleav. You just paid for some future therapist’s salary with that one.
Very niiice! Just like the last year’s Hashgiving, except back then one Kazakh girl (not me!!) caught Softcore-A-list (the hare), and then 6 of us decided to take a cab back, and because the taxi driver was paranoid, my face ended up in someone’s crotch. Aaaaah, the memories…..
My poor dog smelled like a frat house after McClumperson showered him in beer.