BFM #302: Open-Bar, Stand-Ins, and Bow-Ties – oh my!
Ah, trash. Such a time-honored tradition. Having mismanagement show up, also quite the tradition – but for this hash, we rallied behind Midnight Tranny to Georgia as GM/RA/whatever else he was standing-in as. Can’t blame mismanagement for heading to the party of the year!
The BFM was lucky enough to have the Philly HHH AGM fall on a Thursday night, so we could cum together and share in their open-bar – oh wait, I mean joy. Yes, the joy of the PH3 AGM. The lot of us met up first at the Green Room in Fairmount, mingling with Fruit of the Clue, Tube C*ck, Bonsai Bush, Whiskey D*ck, Just Anne, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Where’s My Vagina?, Just Karen, Just Travis, Twat of Darkness, Just Jose ala Grab My Handlebars, One Inch In, Mediocre and Stupid, One Night Only, Virgin Pimp, Son of Goatf*cker, Dancing Fool, Major Piece of *ss, Likes the Hard One, and Just Holly ala Two Clump Chump. We set out to follow what has been called the longest 15 minute trail in recent BFM memory (with all that PBR, it’s really not long at all) around Fairmount.
Met by Big Tackle, the Mob headed into the speak-easy-esque back room of the Urban Saloon to find the likes of Hold the Sausage, Short-Distance Rimmer, Scooby Snatch, Fire Down Under, Rear Engineer, The Rash, Snap Off, Cause for Blindness, Flounder, He’s a Lesbian and a whole bunch of other well-dressed PH3 and BFM halfminds (who knew they clean up so nice?? Come on, what would the trash be without an obligatory video with animals in formal wear, with the thoroughly disturbing groping and the raping – if you’re still not sure they clean up nice, Tight Lips has offered up proof ).
Anyway, the beer check was pretty much crashing their high class party, complete with dinner china – did I mention open-bar? Yea, always trouble – so the mob reluctantly made their way back to the basement of the Green Room, while visions of returning for Sierra-Nevada danced in their heads. Where’s My Vagina? was brave enough to take on the duty of Hash Cash while I scrounged around for paper (trash was written on the back of “PA Liquor Control Board Incident Documentation Forms,” courtesy of the bartender – so fitting). The mob was restless as usual, while Whiskey D*ck and One Night Only tried to take more than one hasher’s heads off with a game or two of darts. Finally enough beer arrived and circle was momentarily opened by Tranny, until we realized there were no Hares present to drink. When they finally arrived, with much uproar, circle began again.
Circle
Hares: Swollen C*ckpit and Post-Anal Drip
Virgins: Just Jose ala Grab My Handlebars and Just Holly ala Two Clump Chump – Joined by Tranny for messing up the song
First In/Last In: (Son of Goatf*cker was gentleman enough to open the door to walk in behind) Where’s My Vagina? and hares Swollen C*ckpit and Post-Anal Drip drank for holding up circle
Comes Latelys: Just Travis, Just Karen, Swollen C*ckpit, Post-Anal Drip, Major Piece of *ss, and Likes the Hard One.
Autohashers: Uh, just walkers, Major Piece of *ss, Likes the Hard One. And Sleeps Around the C*ck but that was later.
Accusations:
For being a racist, or at least supporting racist attire, from the recent Philly Marathon: Mediocre and Stupid
For doing a body shot off Just Karen’s ex boyfriend (…interesting…): Just Travis
For alcohol abuse (probably overly excited about that body shot thing): Just Karen
For pubeing the cake (whatever the f that means), and then pointing in circle: Twat of Darkness
For getting it on on-trail (really, just for making us wait): Hares
…and in the “One C*ck” rule…Tube C*ck and Sleeps Around the C*ck joined in
For being a Racist, or accusing racists (I’m not sure – it was a long night): Bonsai Bush
For forgetting the paper to do the Trash: Mediocre and Stupid
For actually forgetting the paper and expecting Mediocre and Stupid to remember it: Grab My Handlebars
For slapping his own ass: Whiskey D*ck
For messing up the “Would you like a finger…?” song: Tranny
For doing well as GM/RA/etc.: Tranny
For having new shoes: Fruit of the Clue – penalty declined and sent back to Mediocre and Stupid
For advertising a wild, pants-down kind of Hashgivings and then providing a great (but fully dressed) time with good friends: Tube C*ck and Bonsai Bush
For coming to the hash with a hickey on her neck (and then trying to claim it was an incident with a ‘curiling iron’): Just Holly
For going to see New Moon on opening weekend: Grab My Handlebars
Announcements:
In lieu of Scooby Snatch or Cousin It, Bonsai Bush and Two Clump Chump said something about that Philly’s tailgate, in August…
There’ll be a ski trip, sometime in February, so harass One Inch In if you care.
There’s a party going on at Urban Saloon, let’s go!
Overheard at the hash…
Two Clump Chump: “The only thing worse than head is leftover head…But yea, it’s better than no head at all” only shortly before exclaiming, “Did you lube up her derailleur??”
One Inch In: “Now all the pointy things are sticking out!”
And the kicker… Post-Anal Drip of her cohare: “Oh, he’s got a little one!!”
And just when you thought that the hash (and the trash) was over, the party was just beginning. Thanks to the musical stylings of Snap Off (she has business cards and everything!), the mob headed back to Urban Saloon for much beer, merriment, cake, awards/election process, dancing, and a damn good party thanks to PH3 and Big Tackle!
On-on,
Grab My Handlebars
dang good i mean sh*tty trash!
Be careful Handlebars…keep this up, and we’ll expect you to actually do them on a regular basis!
Love it!
woo hoo!! trash posted within a month of the hash! I love it!!