BFM #313: Blame Canad(ians)
So here you wankers were (half) thinking, “Oh yea, that new Mismanagement is going to be together and on-time,” and so on and so forth – but sadly, that was a rumor spread by Midnight Tranny to Georgia because s/he’s on top of things and the rest of us aren’t…
Upon arriving at TA Flannery’s, Butch greeted most of us warmly into to one of our standard hash bars. Above the bar was proudly displayed a signed picture of “The Office” cast, including Butch’s sister, who plays Meredith. We had our own cast of rejects, including Whisky D*ck, Where’s My Vagina?, Flounder, Cause for Blindness, Softcore Analist, Slutty When Wet, Clump Clump Chump, The S & M Man, Scammin’ Old Ladies, Son of Goatf*cker, Bonsai Bush, (a rather relieved looking) Rear Engineer, Mayor Quimby, Sternum and Rectum, ChernoBlow, Just Jose, Hold the Sausage, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Sleeps Around the C*ck, Porn to Fail, Short Distance Rimmer, Tube C*ck, One Night Only, Sloppy Ho, Scooby Snatch, Fire Down Under, Just Beth, Just Amy, Just Tim – with Fiber Opd*ck, Cleavage to Beaver, Virgin Pimp, Just the Brown Tip, Target, Shefelta Fish and Mr. Snuffleupamuff arriving late for curtain call.
The night was cold and windy, and almost two-week-old snow was melting into ice. Chalk talk was neither short nor sweet enough in the frigid weather. New RAs Bonsai Bush and The S & M Man got a silver star each for what could have been faster and funnier, but Midnight Tranny got a demerit for light blue (= invisible) chalk. This made for quite a trail – or at least that’s what I’m told. I, as a new and eager On-Sec, was at the bar waiting patiently to record First and Last in (really, I was).
The mob returned to the bar triumphantly, with the hare fully with-pants, so clearly something went wrong. So triumphant, in fact, that we scared away the other patrons in the bar, though Butch didn’t seem to mind. And so we circled, starting with something about Bonsai Bush and a ‘cheat sheet gag’ – not sure what that’s about but it sounds like Tube C*ck is a lucky man…
Circle
Hares: Tube C*ck and Snap Off
First/Last In: Son of Goatf*cker and One Night Only (you decide which is which)
Virgins: Just Beth and Just Amy…On a side note, the not only changed their story about who made them cum (First someone name Just Jujean, then each other – which I guess is acceptable hash behavior) but it came out that they weren’t actually Virgins at all! In addition to the nonvirgins, Just Tim came ala Midnight Tranny.
Cums Latelys: Mayor Quimby and Fiber Opd*ck
Autohashers: Cleavage to Beaver, Just Jose, ‘Handlebars, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Virgin Pimp, Short Distance Rimmer, Just the Brown Tip, Sternum and Rectum, Fiber Opd*ck, and Hold the Sausage.
Accusations
For dressing up like a lightbulb (what kind of light bulb is in red and black spandex??): Just Amy
…and Just Beth and Just Tim for ‘When One Virgin Drinks’
For (invisible) light blue flour: Midnight Tranny
For being a Canadian who lived in Delaware, the state of Joe Biden, whose motorcade recently held up the Olympics (or something): Tube C*ck
…and Hold the Sausage and Bonsai Bush for trying to make an overly complex accusation, when you should just say he’s Canadian and that’s enough for him to drink.
…and S & M Man for ‘When One RA Drinks’
For trying to spend some quality time with Two Clump Chump in the bathroom: Rear Engineer
For trying to Accuse Cause for Blindness of being a Racist (really?): Flounder
For trying to Accuse Son of Goat F*cker for stripping in Circle (acceptable hash behavior): Snap Off
For being an over-achieving-ass-clown due to her recent home ownership: Sloppy Ho
…and ‘Handlebars for ‘When One On-Sec Drinks’
For not knowing that men should not wear UGGs (ever), by asking, “Were those dress UGGs?”: Fiber Opd*ck
For ‘tech on trail’ (cell phone), indicating shed be too busy to make Saturday plans because she’s now devoted to hashing as a life pursuit: Just Amy
For wearing a girl’s beanie but not being able to fill the ponytail hole: Softcore Analist
For giving up (our newly renamed) Seize’er TiTs for Lent: Mr. Snuffleupamuff
For some sort of ‘tech on trail’: Midnight Tranny
…and Hold the Sausage and The S&M Man for ‘When One GM Drinks’
For something about confusing plain old Ham for Canadian Bacon and generally being Canadian: Tube C*ck
For handing her On-Sec pad to Just Jose for a trip to the bathroom (Hey, you accuse the On-Sec, you suffer the consequences of ‘creative interpretation’ in MY trash. Ha.): Grab My Handlebars
For something that’s either ‘Pottery Class’ or ‘Potty Closet’ (see what happens when the On-Sec does too many Down-Down’s??): Where’s My Vagina?
…and Porn to Fail for a misaccusation having to do with pottery or potty, or just talking too much in circle.
For laying too much of a 2 Clump Trail: Tube C*ck and Snap Off
For being vegetarian and making a ‘Bacon’ accusation: Hold the Sausage
For trying too hard to be a balls model with overly revealing (and quite flattering) tights: Scooby Snatch
For being Canadian, and that’s enough: Tube C*ck
For something about Winky’s sister’s vagina: Scooby Snatch
…and Mayor Quimby for a bad (and hard to remember) accusation
Announcements
Scooby Snatch said something about treating the mob to a Phillies tailgate in July 2010 – yay!
Hold the Sausage invited all half-minds willing and interested to a PFMH3 (Full Moon) hash coming up Friday, February 26th, 2010
PA Innerhash sent Porn to Fail to let us know it would descend upon the city of Philadelphia September 17th through 19th, 2010
Where’s My Vagina? offered more info about 2010 Bay to Breakers in San Francisco this May 2010
Green dress is Cumming!! Midnight Tranny wanted to let us know that March 13th 2010 will be the BFM’s Pre-Lube kick-off to a great weekend.
So in the end, we can blame the UK for The Office (at least the original) but for everything other than that, just blame Canada (or its spawn, Canadians)!
(and you thought there would be any fun links…)
On-On,
Grab My Handlebars
By the time the last accusation came around, the on-sec had downed her 8th beer. She got that final accusation all wrong. The accusation was actually from Mayor Quimby who accused Scooby of playing with Mayor Quimby’s sister’s snatch. But the Mob deemed that to be acceptable Hash-behavior and ordered Mayor Quimby to drink for a false accusation.
Winky is in Canada playing with his little winkie. Really!