BFM #323 Graffiti Hash! All Over Your Shirt!
The first (and possibly first annual) BFM Graffiti hash kicked off at T.A. Flannery’s, and we all kind of stood around looking at blank, white shirts. I guess no one had enough booze in them yet.
Who Came: Midnight Tranny, Grab My Handlebars, Just Jose, S & M Man, Cleavage to Beaver, Mr. Muff, Seizure Tits, Porn to Fail, Cause for Blindness, Fire Down Under, STD, Big Tackle, Anal Pro Boner, Mediocre and Stupid, He’s a Lesbian, Where’s My Vagina, Heave Ho, Tube Cock, Skin Fiddle, Whiskey Dick, and me, Sloppy Ho.
The trail was a bit tricky at first and we went back and forth in front of Flannery’s a few times before finally heading south. It was a sign of things to come as we basically re-traced our steps over and over again en route to Callahan’s at the foot of what was once the South Street Bridge. The Mob finally seemed to be over their writers block and dirty words and pictures of penises were starting to appear on the back of people’s shirts.
After the beer check we ran to the sacrificial lamb in the middle of Fitler Square, where Anal Pro Boner had arranged little cups of ‘vodka flavored water.’ Not being ones to pass up hydration opportunities, the Mob drank them down…except for one. We gave this lone soldier to Orlando, a self-described senior citizen with an Eastern European accent, who happened to stumble upon us while walking his bulldog, Mush Mush, in the park. Orlando opted to sip his drink while proclaiming “Life is good in America!” I guess life is good for Mush Mush too, because he jumped up on Mediocre and Stupid, knocked her over, and started going to town! Orlando seized on the opportunity and started yelling “I need more vodka! My dog is losing his virginity!” We topped him off and took off for the On-In.
Circle: Everyone was so excited to be here!!!
Hares: Anal Pro Boner and Just Joel
This trail had a lot of things, but it didn’t have enough rain. Or enough stairs.
Virgins: Just Rob, who Heave Ho and WMV picked up at a happy hour the night before, Just Renee, Just Slater, Just M@ (seriously, that is how he was introducing himself), Just Andrea, and Just Mike.
Visitors: The guy from LVH3 who will forever be known as ‘Cupcake’
1st / Last: Dumpster and Bonsai Bush
Auto: I wrote Bonsai Bush, Mr. Muff, and 2 Clump, and then decided that this one was a social
Comes Latelys: Anal Pro Boner, Whiskey Dick, Mr. Muff, Seizure Tits, STD, Lesbian, Just Joel, Dumpster, and Cleavage to Beaver.
Accusations:
Fire Down Under and Porn to Fail for not wearing white shirts after being reminded no less than 1000 times
Just Renee for hash crashing within the first block of trail
Cause for soliciting sex from a goat?
He’s a Lesbian for wanting to violate Just Jose before shipping off to Afghanistan
Bonsai Bush for traveling to Delaware to get Stan tattoos
And then the time came to name Just Jose (take two). A story was told about him kicking a Philadelphia Weekly Box for no reason and “Box Knocker” was suggested. ‘No Lay Jose’ was thrown out because it is funny. I forget why ‘Num Nuts’ and ‘Dog with no Name’ were suggested…but they were. Cause was allowed to speak and suggested ‘Horses, Cape, and Guitar’ which resulted in her nomination ban being immediately re-imposed. Which brings us to the winning name…’Pen is in my ear, ‘based on a clever play on words** (get it?, think ‘Celebrity Jeapordy’) and the fact that Just Jose did, in fact, have two Sharpie pens hanging from the extra large holes in both of his ear lobes. Him, him…f*ck him!
Announcements:
PROM will be on June 10th. Start looking for that perfect dress and loose date now!
All the other announcements are now outdated.
On On,
Sloppy Ho
**Play on words names are my FAVORITE! At EWH3 we had this guy who peed on his girlfriend’s shoes while sleepwalking and we named him ‘Urine Trouble.’ One of my favorite names ever!
Can the next trash be named “… all over your tits”? I like it there much more than all over my shirt or face. That’s just sloppy.
I think Kumkake would be better then cupcake….
GDO, just you wait… We’ll get it all over the place.