BFM #325: The What-not of Our Lives
[Cue sinister music and fog] From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of start-crossed – oh wait, this is the trash? Yes yes, very good.
So, this one time, at… See? I got you again – let’s try that a second time: this one time, at the hash, with the smell of Chinese takeout in the air, Big Tackle, Just the Brown Tip, Snap Off, Son of Goatf*cker, Two Clump Chump, Fire Down Under, The S & M Man, Sloppy Ho, Rear Engineer, The Rash, Tube C*ck, Bonsai Bush, Can You Hear Me Now?, Cause for Blindness, Flounder, and Gag Reflex gathered at the Lyon’s den for yet another venture out into the streets of Philadelphia to get their fill of what-not. The bartender was friendly (at least to this On-Sec) and the beer was flowing – did you know you could get like 30 different kinds of six-packs in the belly of this lion? I mean Lyon… The pack meandered aimlessly, making small talk about this and that what-not until they were called to task – a run? In such lovely weather? Well sure – I’ll take some of that! And I did. And there was… Wait, once again, not quite the right tune. So with Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Softcore Analist, Where’s my Vagina?, Mama and Papa ‘Vagina?, ChernoBlow, Scooby Snatch, Goes Down Often following slowly behind, the mob gathered their what-not and headed out, welcoming Virgins Just Dora ala visitor Fallopian Dude and Just Mayva in hot pursuit of Big Tackle and what-not.
(So what’s with the ‘what-not’? Oh just you wait)
Trail was amazing – there was a garden and what felt like the longest bout of check-hanging in BFM history (ok, at least the last three, maybe four runs). As the pack waited at the corner for at least five minutes, with virgins in hot pursuit of trail, the pack should have been ashamed of itself but you’ve met us, we weren’t. A man walked up and asked, “What’s going on?” And we said something about waiting, and beer, and he was as perplexed as we were as to why we were standing there. So somehow we got back on track (I think it was thanks to Just Mayva) and headed into Woolly Mammoth.
There we met Tackle and some not-so-happy Mammoth patrons who promptly left after we entered with our sweat, our racy conversation (we were gossiping about racists I guess), and a good bit of what-not (there’s that ‘what-not’ again…). Glasses were filled and refilled and we were a happy mob.
Circle
Hares: Big Tackle
Virgins: Just Dora ala Fallopian Dude and Just Mayva ala a ‘friend in San Diego’ (long-distance cumming I see…)
Visitors: Mama and Papa ‘Vagina? and Fallopian Dude
First/Last In: Fire Down Under, Snap Off, and Cause for Blindness (you decide which is which)
Cums Latlies: Gag Reflex, Goes Down Often, Flounder, and The Rash
Autohashers: Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Gag Reflex (mostly for being overdresed on trail) and Goes Down Often
Softcore Analist, Where’s my Vagina?, Mama and Papa ‘Vagina?, ChernoBlow, and Scooby Snatch.
Accusations
For being a premeditated racist and refusing to drink: Goes Down Often
…and Bonsai Bush, Grab My Handlebars, and some other sucker who stunt livered for her. (Just you wait, we got a drink in her before the end of the night.)
For being the best dressed on trail, in a button up: Gag Reflex
For calling Bonsai Bush by her nerd name in circle (tisk tisk): The S & M Man
For calling Fire Down Under by her nerd name in circle (what are you, new?!): Snap Off
For wearing compression pants and trying to pass them off as regular pants: Snap Off
For not training his sister/virgin well enough because she messed up every step of the way: Fallopian Dude
For coming in third at a triathlon this past weekend: Racist + Over-Achieving Ass-Clown = Bonsai Bush
…and The S & M Man for the “When one RA drinks…” rule
For falling ill on trail and making the cops cum, plus that whole racist what-not: Tube C*ck
For doing too well on her virgin hash: Just Dora
For constantly messing up my name refute the rumors and confirms that she is not pregnant: Goes Down Often (and this time it was booze)
For being Goes Down Often’s stalker for the day: Grab My Handlebars
For saying, “Pull my finger…” but not farting loud enough: Sloppy Ho
For being Stan’s counterpart: Just Dora
For being a racist on a different run (not sure when but we had to get her good and trashed): Goes Down Often
For being done with the semester (and choosing to come to the hash – who does that?): The Rash
For not having posted her grades yet, despite the fact that the deadline is two days away: Grab My Handlebars
For wearing a teach shirt but having great curves under it (not sure how that’s not appropriate hash behavior): Sloppy Ho [Declined]
…and for making a false accusation, Flounder.
Announcements
Where’s My Vagina?: Heading out with Softcore Analist, Post Anal Drip, and Swollen C*ckpit to the 99th running of Bay to Breakers. She expects to see a great deal of BFMers at next year’s 100th running!
There was something about uh…tailgate… what-not…July…whatever as stated once again by Scooby Snatch.
Rear Engineer will hare PH3’s hash this Saturday out of west Fairmount park.
Overheard on Trail
“If you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family” – Fallopian Dude
"I’ve got all A’s!" – The Rash (while proudly talking about her grades)
"You’ve got AIDS??? Ok, see ya!" – Rear Engineer
In the end, we decided that a) bikes do fit in the back of cars, b) GDO continues to promise her womb is bare so we will do our best to believe her, and c) that ‘what-not’ is vague enough to be useful, and odd enough to be funny (Yea, I know – bit of a let down. At least there was beer).
…but trust me on the sunscreen.
On-On,
Grab My Handlebars
“A man walked up and asked, ‘What’s going on?’ And we said something about waiting, and beer, and he was as perplexed as we were as to why we were standing there.” – WELL, hello Marvin Gaye + Samuel Beckett – nice trash!
Fallopian Dude = clevuh funnee namer. but…t…
question: should the story behind it be as good as the name itself?
I just checked, and my womb is still empty! I think we should all celebrate!!!