Well, I hadn’t been at the hash in a real long time, and finally had some time to go there. Since I was lazy, I figured I’d continue uphold my New years Resolution to do my Skin Fiddle impression and autohash. I schlepped into Cherry Street in the hopes of swilling some Smithwicks (pronounced Smeticks here, and spelled Kilkenny in Europe) or a nice pint of brown creamy goodness (Guinness). Sadly, there was none. When did this shit happen? I won’t tell you how easy it was to find a parking spot anymore, since Uncle Bad Touch kept bitching about it. Suffice to say, I wonder if PA regards Turrets’ Syndrome as a handicap, and who hasn’t driven with turrets’?

ANYWAY, inside, I found that Up Her Ali had a mild crisis at home that required her immediate attention and thrust into my hands a familiar Write In The Rain notebook, demanding I return it to her. Um, didn’t I LOAN this to you, Ali? You’ll get it back when I finally get a girlfriend. Yep, start looking for a new one. Sadly, there were NO virgins at the Cherry Street Tavern, SACRILEDGE!

WHO LOST THEIR CHERRIES PREVIOUSLY:
Up Her Ali, Midnight Tranny To Georgia, Chernoblow, 3 Balls, Rear Engineer, Two Clump Chump, Taco I Barely Know Her, Penis In My Ear, Uncle Bad Touch, Son Of A Goatfucker, One Inch In, Tits Of Steel, Where’s My Vagina, Chef Boy Or Horse, He’s A Lesbian, Just Peter, Shop & Fuck, Soft Core Analist, 69th Amendment, and Gay Matthews Lamb

For whatever reason, Two Clump had a New Years Resolution not to hare anymore, so Tits Of Steel announced she was doing her impression of Two Clump and volunteered to hare. So, away she went and laid a..

TRAIL:
Apparently, according to Ali’s Notes, the trail meandered all over center city, past Maces crossing, near a tree, where Chernoblow kissed it, around City Hall, before ending up at McGillans for a beer stop. It then wound it’s way back to Cherry Street. Everyone came inside, where One Inch In led a raucous….

CIRCLE:
HARE: Tits Of Steel
FIRST IN / LAST IN: One Inch In forgot this (It was Rear/ 69th Amendment
CUMS LATELIES: He’s A Lesbian, Soft Core Analist, Uncle Bad Touch, Gay Matthews Lamb
AUTOHASHERS: He’s A Lesbian, Two Clump Chump

ACCUSATIONS:
One Inch In for forgetting First In/Last In
Shop & Fuck: Self Accusation (Can you DO that?)
Rear Engineer for using a rusty spoon
Son Of A Goatfucker for looking thirsty as usual
Chernoblow for attacking a tree with her face
Chernoblow and Chef Boy Or Horse for matchy matchy
Soft Core Analist for forgetting something or other
Penis In My Ear for being in North Philly without a knife or gun and Shop & Fuck and Uncle Bad Touch under the when one idiot with five finger shoes drinks rule
Son Of A Goatfucker for NOT stepping on a crack to break his mother’s back
Uncle Bad Touch for not enjoying 69th Amendment’s tits
Just Peter for looking thirsty
Where’s My Vagina for being something or other
Chef Boy Or Horse for dressing like a giant health bar
Soft Core Analist for not maintaining drinking skills
He’s A Lesbian for not hearing slow down

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Sat Kenwood Park (you missed it)
Full Moon Do Shots Don’t Get Shot on Friday the 27th of Jan
BFM AGM Feb 16th Yards brewery

And with that, the hash wandered into the night…

OVERHEARD AT THE HASH:

“We’re not talking about drinking with 17 year olds.” – Two Clump
“I thought that was your thing.”- Uncle Bad Touch

“She’s practicing positions” – unk hasher

“Did you just call him ‘gloryhole’?” – Rear Engineer

“When you see enough penises, you think, hey, a dick’s a dick’s a dick” – unk hasher (guess who)

“She laid a false trail in front of a bar. What a cunt!” – unk hasher (well, almost everyone said that)

“We have to start writing down things at the hash that people say.” – Tits Of Steel (on the way to announce the Bin Laden killing)

“Lesbian, you know what’s a great idea? A Dick ta phone”- guess

“You just made three penises wilt. Mine is now up my ass.” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“I’m trying to perfect my legacy, that’s why abortion clinics have raised their prices” – unk hasher

“One is enough” – unk hasher
“I thought eight is enough?” – Two Clump Chump

“My boobs are oscillating” – Unk female hasher (Assumed TOS)

“Nailing a roommate is bad, but nailing an ex-roomate is good because you can always block them on Facebook.” – Tits of Steel
“Pink and puffy was your roommate?” – He’s A Lesbian

“I tell that to every girl I’m seeing that I have an open relationship. Hey don’t write that down” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“Seriously, don’t write that down.” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“She’s sending you signals by spreading her legs.”- Two Clump Chump
“Actually, I’m doing a wall-sit.” – Tits Of Steel