Behold the tale of yon hare Under The Siege and the trail he lay to celebrate the longest day the year, making fairest use of the diminishing twilight to bring us much drawn out fucking and a trail most foul.The pack assembled in most casual manner to begin at Bourbon Blue in the Manayunk which was agreed by all to be a far too upholden an establishment for the likes of our brazen and boorish folk. Fearlessly led once again by the advisor of religions, Shop And Fuck, the pack welcomed fair visitors from afar; Plow Me From Behind and Fuzzy Cozmo (who honorably came after his lovely lady) of Porme H3, as well as faces once known and cums VERY latelies; Chorizo Curtains and 1 In The Gear 2 In The Rear (who now also claims visitation from the always moist Seattle H3). Amongst the runners of the pack were Baa Ram Him, Groudhog Lay, Tits of Steel, He’s A Lesbian, 3 Balls, Just Birdie (spawn of the 3 Balls), Pounded In The Can, Rubber Ripper, Statutory Consent, Me Shrub You Long Time and Just Jenny.
Chalk talk began with Shop, most eloquently yelling above the Bourbon Bard’s songs, regaling all with his presumptions of marks that may or may not guide the trail, as the hare had been unable to leave the pack with such reference. The minstrel paused his playing ‘ere in time to call the local muggle’s attention to the pack’s antics and they were On-Out with no arrow to guide them true. It took nary a draw of the evening’s warm breath for one of our eager hounds to find a true trail lay down at the bottom of the stairs. A single mark followed and the leaders called On-On! The pack was off, chasing their destiny to trail most true along the lovely Schuylkill. But alas the trail died out from there and the hounds were so early fucked that they sensed a foreboding doom that this trail may be more shitty than accustomed.
Fortunately for the rest, Tits had spotted a mark en route to the beginning of our tale and led the hounds to the first check where they began the adventure of this trail. Marks were found and On-Ons were called. The hounds ventured up hills and along the roads of Manayunk to find a mark missing from chalk talk and pretzel far too hard and too large to enjoy with most favored libations. A hash flash was recorded for the posterity of all by a muggle, which led 3 Balls to ponder the opportunity of chasing said muggle down when and if he decided to dash with flash in hand. Not in surprise of all, they continued upwards to the hills in search beer, past dogs, and homes, and many a stair until they finally found a back check of 15 marks. Such a deep fucking was enjoyed and agonized in turn by the hounds as they counted down to the very bottom of those roughly hewn steps. Onward the pack searched when Shop and Chorizo encountered a distressed damsel who had lost her canine ward, and ever the caring citizens, they broke from the trail to find said four-legged beast.
Now two hounds short, our pack continued along the shittiest of trails to yet again more stairs where was found a song check and Baa led a rousing rendition of “She Likes It In The Kitchen”. All celebrated the coding in verse and ran further up the stairs to the precipice of the climbing. The trail led now downward, towards the river and Baa showed he knew little of the difference between DSLs and whistle blowing lips. Oh poor Baa…but we digress dear hashers. The pack was now led into possibly the most dangerous of tracks on the rails of a train where images of “Stand By Me” were evoked, the pack was once again given a long fucking of a back check 12, and 1 In The Gear proved both her concern for the packs well-being and her experience with running trains.
Deep now, into the woods the pack ventured, when they came upon a babbling stream and an extended shot near where they feasted upon the orange and pink balls provided so lovingly by the hare. As it turned out, the hare had taken his share of fucking also by his mechanical conveyance and some overheating of its driven heart. Woe, oh hare, rum makes for a poor engine coolant. Joining the merriment at the shot near were Jug Stain and the impish hashers Ice Ice Baby and Squishy as well as the triumphant return of Shop and Chorizo (having found and returned the errant mutt). Due to the troubles on trail an On-In was quickly laid and the pack once again returned to an establishment far too refined for thine use and nevertheless welcoming to thine circle.
The joyous celebration of circle will not be laid out here good hashers, but suffice it to say the shitty and long fucking of the evening’s trail was rightly celebrated by all. The harriettes brought strength to bear and hoisted both Under The Siege and Groundhog Lay up for a side-side in honor of their entry to this mortal coil. With a feat to eclipse all others, Groundhog was raised on side singly by 1 In The Gear, signifying the prowess of the fairer sex and the power of her hips.
This was, by the grace and the guidance of flour and chalk, a midsummer night most fair and a trail most foul. It will forever be etched into the minds of those hounds who were immersed in its wonder. If thy were absent dear hasher, thou may take but a moment to reflect on the path of thy existence and ask but one simple query. Are you?