Another perfect summer night in the city of Philadelphia to end the month of August was upon the BFM. Mostly cloudy skies and cool temps could not have been better. Chalk talk began with a bang as Just Gabriel made 4, yes 4 virgins come this night. Their names were, well, who ever actually remembers virgin names. No visitors to be had, hence Goose and Dix went through the marks so carefully laid by Tits and Just Camilla. Quick and simple and the pack was off.
Not too long into following the shitty trail, Hamms (pronounced “Goats”), found the “J” check of the night and quickly ran to the back of the pack. There she saw Just Alex and Blinky in the back for them to enjoy the Grapefruit shandys she had found. The pack for the most part, stayed together this night, aided by the cleverly placed Song checks along the way. Not soon after the J check, the pack made their way to the Market Street across from their favorite bar in Drinker to find a cooler filled with a delectable drink. The catch? You must pass it using either your boobs or your feet. This was a pretty easy task for hashers for sure.
Once the vessel was empty, the hashers made their way towards the river. They had been promised music in the park, but this had not come yet. But in the distance, musical instruments could be heard in the distance at Spruce Street Harbor Park, and not too soon thereafter they were greeted by Tits and Just Camilla for the last stop of the night. Alcoholic gummy bears and gummy worms, you say? Yes, please! And of course, there were more mixed drinks to be had.
After a nice relaxing stop, the pack made their on-in adventure back to Jon’s Bar and Grill. Not too long after arriving, a nice refreshing lite beer was awaiting for them all. As Goose and Dix began circle, Tits without her partner in crime, down down downed for being the Hare. Our 4 virigins took their turn. Then came the auto-hashers, and comes lately. And as always the favorite part of the night had arrived, accusations.
Accusations wrapped their way up, and the pack was in for a treat! It was time for the naming of Just Alex. Plenty of stories to be had and long winded they were. Naming suggestions started coming fast and furious: Pumpkin Spice Notte, Quicksand Porn, Canadian Fuxedo, Stripper Crippler to name a few. But alas, none of these would win in the end. In what can only be described as an epic tale of dictation gone awry, Blinky and the English language had a falling out that night. While reading the final four names, Blinky went to say “Canadian Fuxedo”, and what got perceived was “Condom Fuck Sister”. The pack broke out into complete laughter. Did he really say that? Apparently he just did. That name, for better or worse, got added to the list. The final two names were down to Pumpkin Spice Notte, and Condom Fuck Sister. After what seemed to be a close vote of screams, it was time to decide what would become of Just Alex from this day forward.
And there was Sex Toys for Tots after listening to the crowd, decided and decreed, “By the power given to me by the Ben Franklin Mob and the City of Philadelphia, I hereby name you Condom Fuck Sister”.