Where: The Institute, 549 N 12th St, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19123
When: Thursday September 6th, 2018 6:30 (7:00 Pack Off)
Hares: Where's My D and Strawberry Shartcake
Cuff Me the Vampire Player
Shop and Fuck
Semen on the Poop Deck
Everything Butt Sex
Jewels of Duh Nile
Mee Shrub You Long Time
Not In My Hair
May I Cum On Ya
Last Thursday's trail was a somber event to mark the closing of Drinker's Tavern and The Institute...just fuckin with ya. We had a great time like always! Can't keep a good hasher down (no matter the quantity of beer or tranquilizer darts). Though their doors may close forever the fun these bars facilitated and the beer soaked memories they fueled will live on forever.
The trail was a blast no matter the efforts of our hares, Strawberry Shartcake and Where's My D, to make it melancholic [the only thing missing was a bunch of Pixar movie openings]. That's not to say that betwixt the revelry people didn't get wistful and wax poetic about all the shards of memories they shared (most great nights tend to be blurry alcoholic fever dreams with glimpses of pure joy and occasional calamity).
Trail departed from The Institute at a prompt 7PM. Naturally as a good On Sec I was there from the start and didn't show up late thinking trail was starting at the usual 8pm. They say history is written by the victors, well so is hash trash. Anyone saying I wasn't there from the start is a big fat liar, just look at this photo I took of the start! [Why am I wearing a tux? It's after 6, what am I a farmer?]
A candle<strike>light</strike> stick vigil was formed along trail to further bring down the pack and slow them down enough to give the hares time enough to lay trail, but it did not have the intended effect as hashers instead began to try to smoke the candles like cigarettes. Slothy Seconds took long pulls off her candle and regaled those around her with her je ne sais quoi attitude, of her citizen of the world lifestyle [read: sex tourist] and how her favorite places to have visited in Europe were Amsterdam and then the Anne Frank house (in that order) and how she learned broken German to tell the broken Dutch that she was no longer interested in their well-worn sexual playgrounds.
Closing bars reminds us to squeeze the most out of life and the places you visit, because neither might be there for much longer. Make every night count and don't expect others to remember your legacy. Sure I was able to get the high score on the breathalyzer machine at the Raven Lounge, but what if they close? Who would remember it (apart from the State of Pennsylvania and the jury of my peers)? Like tears in the rain or farts in the wind, our memories fade as we slog on through life. All the places I had fun in my youth are gone and the hashers of my generation are now gone, but once we were here...
I'm starting to sober up so I'll get off my soapbox and continue with my recounting of the trail as best as I can remember it.
The trail was a fast one. The Shot Near took place in a parking lot with a view of Center City and the thunder and lightning that was just about to start. As we finished the shots, lightning arched across the sky and illuminated the entire cityscape. "That was wicked big!" - said SnF, and retorted to himself ..."is what she never said!"
After trail, people recounted the various ways they debauched these bars and tried to outdo one another with retellings of all manner of depravity.
There was the time Where's My D got naked and flashed the entire bar via the CCTV system at Drinkers to make amends for smashing some DJ equipment.
Jewels of Duh Nile told us about how they would make mixed drinks using Huggies at Drinker's. This is made using Little Hug Fruit Barrel Juice Drinks [I had to look this one up or I'd never have been able to fall asleep with the image of people pouring shots and a mixer into a child's diaper and then trying to drink the final product]
Strawberry Shartcake - "I remember I said I was going to do a trail from my favorite bar, but then they told me it was switched while I was in the ER."
Where's my D - "Hope you all got soaked and wet on trail."
MeeShrub You Long Time accused Shop N Fuck for confusing Uranus with a black hole.
Everything Butt Sex, "Hash Hush!" Circle- "You're not my real dad!"
The hashers went over to Love City Brewery to watch the home bird team beat the inferior Atlanta bird team. Go Birds!