Horney Hands, Backdoor Deposit, Just Abbey (Virgin made cum by Just Brian), Two In The Sink None In The Pink, Cause for Blindness, Gay Matthews Lamb, Dead End (Visitor from Toronto), Just Mike (Virgin made cum by Dead End), Just Tom (Visitor from Toronto), Cock Master And Commander, Hugh Heifer (Every Day Is Wednesday), Rubber Ripper (triumphant return of the hash horn), Flounder, Just Sara, Gag Reflex, Vaginacologist, Taco I Barely Know Her, C-Men++, Just Amy, Douchebagalo Male Fagalo (Visitor from H5), Jack the Pricker (Visitor from H5), Just Alex, Manual Fiesta, One Inch In (who? oh that guy? WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?), Just Janelle, Just John, Just Andrew (Virgin made cum by Just John), Hole Patrol, Just Hannah, Menage a None, Edger Allen Hoe (Visitor from Hairline Nashville), Barbara Bush, Just Brian, Tits Of Steel, Just Dave, Baby Got Last (Visitor from NYCH3), What A Cunt! (Visitor from Knickerbockers), Chorizo Curtains, Just Sarah (Virgin made cum by Just Tara), Just Elise (Virgin made cum by Just Tara), Spare My Finger, Urine Luck (Auto), Donald Dick (Auto), Groundhog Lay (Auto), International House Of Virgins (Visitor from Blue Hen) and Shop & Fuck.
So I am now remembering that the night wasn't all that great to start with because it was raining. Remember it wasn't like it was a 95 degree, "Thank God it is raining to cool things down" in August rain. It was more of a, "This is really annoying to have to run through because it was gorgeous out" kind of a rain. So as everyone was gathering I was flabbergasted to see One Inch In come strutting through the door and I immediately asked him where the fuck he has been and said he should pay for his crime of absenteeism by haring trail...and like the true master hasher that he is he immediately asked to be pointed in the direction of the flour. He grabbed Hole Patrol on his way out the door and so our hares for the night were off. You have to love the legends of the BFM because they never disappoint. So a few minutes (very long disorganized milling around minutes) the pack was herded outside by our RA's Tits Of Steel and Manual Fiesta for chalk talk and soon enough we were...
So since it was raining and my pad of paper wasn't water proof I did not take notes of the trail. I do remember that the pack went north for a while thinking that they were on trail and then came back again and then went in another direction thinking that they found trail but were foiled again and then eventually trail was found and I think we went west up Samson to 24th and then went north up to maybe Ludlow which banked us around east...but remember I wasn't taking notes. But I am now remembering that it at some point stopped raining and I pulled my note pad back out and started taking notes of trail. So flipping through my note pad I found my notes listed a little earlier in the pad so I must have started writing them in a blank space from earlier in my haste. So this is what I got:
We looped around up to Market to a X at Schuylkill Ave and went west to a X up Market to a X by 30th St that sent us --> south to a X on Walnut where we checked down the stairs where there was a F and then went west on Walnut to that path that leads down to the playing fields on Penn's Campus...At this time there was a beautiful brown note played by Rubber Ripper, our long lost hash horn, signaling to all that the last time we were here we had Homeland Security shutting things down (courtesy of Rubber Ripper and yours truly, Shop & Fuck). So after the brown note we went down the stairs from the ramp onto the fields west and then under the trestle north to a BC4 that sent us to stairs that put us back up on Walnut where we headed west to a X on 33rd and then we checked it out to a false and then I think headed south to the Penn campus walk where there was another X positioned by a used condom that clearly said, "Please cum enjoy the Penn Campus and its co-eds as much as we do" and so we triumphantly stomped through their grounds. It was around this time that a campus bike cop called over Gay Matthews Lamb to ask what we were doing and our GM coolly explained our intentions so as to avoid any further government intervention into our festivities. We eventually found ourselves at a song X by the Ben Franklin bench on the Locus Walk by 37th street where somebody had the great idea of singing Free BEER or Chicago or some other ridiculously long song that we quickly ended once everyone caught up to us. From there we checked around before we eventually found trail north to Walnut where there was a X that went north to Sansom where a X sent us west to the BEER NEAR...CAVANAUGH'S.
While we were there it was determined that my picture was proudly displayed on their wall. Now I don't know that I will ever be as good looking as the gentleman in that picture (I can't even recall the picture that this note speaks of) but I am flattered for the compliment...it may have been a baboon's butt for all I know.
Soon we were back on out north to a --> that sent us east on Chestnut to a X on 35th that sent us north to a X on Presbyterian that sent us further north to a X on Powelton that sent us east through the night market. There was much confusion here as much of the pack decided to run along and in the night market as opposed to just following the trail across the night market. Even so, there was good music and pretty people and lovely smells of food so I don't know that we were all that bad off for the detour. So eventually we got back on track and went east past a X on 34th and a X on 32nd that sent us through Drexel Park to the other side on 31st and went north to Spring Garden where a --> sent us east across the Schuylkill and a X that sent us down to the river trail. We followed that on what was a very beautiful night and I kept close to Just Janelle and Horny Hands as he took pictures of the landscape along the river's edge doing his best to edit out the hookers and John's on the benches and in the bushes. Trail eventually sent us up the stairs at Market and then ON-IN.
Now, if you recall, I wrote these notes in my haste in a blank patch of the note pad. My notes eventually ended on this little hidden secret that was obviously scribed one night earlier when I left my pad unattended:
So with that we were greeted when we arrived by the very dapper grouping of Urine Luck, Groundhog Lay, and Donald Dick all sporting three piece suits which would soon devolve into two piece hair suits as bare chests were exposed. Things were getting warm in the bar as the pack condensed into the back room so you can hardly blame the young chaps. That brings us to:
HARES: One Inch In along with Hole Patrol. This could have been a monumentally long and painful trail but these two over achieving ass clowns kept it respectfully awful. SONG: AND THE HAIRS!
VIRGINS: Just Abbey (Just Brian was the lucky stud to make this gorgeous girl cum), Just Elise (at chalk talk she said Just Tara made her cum but then in circle she said Jack the Pricker made her cum...if we are all lucky maybe we can all make her cum!). Then there was Just Mike (Dead End made him cum cause that's how the do it in Toronto) and Just Sarah (the missing Just Tara also made her cum...a very active yet missing Just Tara) but for some reason Just Mike and Just Sarah weren't in circle for the calling of the virgins...maybe they were ending their virginity in a much more pleasurable way? SONG: Backs Against The Wall...
FIRST IN/LAST IN: Cockmaster And Commander and Just John but I think we also dragged in Jack the Pricker for this as well. SONG: This Is Your Down Down Song...
VISITORS: And there were many. The lovely ladies from NY, WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last entertained us with "Start Spreading The News" which was a real show stopper! Poor Hugh Heifer, a recent short term transplant from EDW and popular male Adonis with our BFM ladies had to follow up that performance and was left with "Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder." The boys from Toronto, Dead End, Just Tom, and Just Mike (there he goes!) gave us "Why Was She Born So Beautiful" and the H5'ers Douche Bagalow Male Fagalo and Jack The Pricker shot us the moon. SONG: She's Alright...
AUTO HASHERS: Who sat enjoying a beer while the rains fell included Taco I Barely Know Her, Mrs. Taco Just Amy, International House Of Virgins, Urine Luck, Donald Dick, and Groundhog Lay. SONG: A Soldier I Will Be...
CUMS LATELYS: Rubber Ripper (our hash horn has returned to us after many a summer month interning up in Lehigh), Barbara Bush (SHE'S CUMMING OUT FOR FUN AGAIN!), C-Men++, Just Amy, Horney Hands, and Backdoor Deposit. SONG: Where Were You Last Week...
1) Shop & Fuck called the law firm of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe into circle as represented by Groundhog Lay, Urine Luck, and Donald Dick. Gay Matthew Lamb attempted to call out all those that went over the Walnut Street overpass twice instead of following trail but nobody fessed up to the crime. Cockmaster And Commander accused Hole Patrol of being a sociopath...not sure what his example was but nobody seemed to question the accusation. I wrote something about hats in circle so that brought some people in. Two In The Sink None In The Pink accused Just Dave of racist behavior or attire...but you get what he was saying...maybe. Shop & Fuck accused Manual Fiesta of doing a poor job of impersonating the Three Amigos during chalk talk. Hugh Heifer accused Cockmaster and Commander of "I am going to bed them"...not sure I got that one right. Maybe he and Cockmaster were making plans? Donald Dick called out WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last for their rock opera performance (which I know deep down inside he wished he could have been a part of cause he would have NAILED IT!). SONG: Would You Like A Finger In Your BEER...
2) Chorizo Curtains accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink "Bigloeatin shoulder doing what"...I am at a loss for what I wrote on that one. Hole Patrol accused Gay Matthews Lamb of inviting hashers and harriets to the 550th but not any harriers. Gay Matthews Lamb accused Donald Dick all Dick names not teresersast...I couldn't read the last word. Vaginacologist accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of something but hell why not? Everyone else is accusing him of something. I have a Jeff? accusing Backdoor Deposit of cumming way too early during the virgin song. Chorizo Curtains accused One Inch In of not being around lately. Cockmaster and Commander accused the Unabomber (since I can't figure who this was I am going to say Jack the Pricker...after doing the overheard notes I now realize this was Just Andrew) of having a racist tattoo and a manifesto tattooed on his chest. SONG: He's The Meanest...
3) Barbara Bush accused Rubber Ripper of something that was hysterical relating to Jesus and being unbounded but I fucked up the notes. Babs is back with her biting wit and I failed to record it. Donald Dick accused Manual Fiesta of still routing for the Dutch to win the world cup. One Inch In accused the RA's of failing to acknowledge the cums latelys but our brilliant RA's Manual Fiesta and Tits Of Steel actually did not forget, it was just that One Inch In was off getting reacquainted with the BFM and missed his cums lately down down. Gag Reflex accused Barbara Bush of promoting not money respect...who knows what I was writing on that one. Vaginacologist accused Donald Dick of hitting on women who support the Hobby Lobby decision. SONG: I Whip My Cock Out...
4) Shop & Fuck accused Barbara Bush of grimacing when she drank her down down BEER. Donald Dick accused Shop & Fuck of "Dirty Tab"?...I think I had just spilled BEER on the down down table and that is what this is referencing...I do feel really awful for that. Barbara Bush accused Urine Luck of holding the monopoly on piss in the mouth...AHHHH...a much better more Barbara Bush like accusation. Cause For Blindness accused Barbara Bush of sounding like Cause For Blindness...which reminds me that she actually was kind of incoherent and my notes don't reflect a well placed accusation after all. Groundhog Lay accused Horney Hands of thinking he is in charge. Menage a None accused WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last for choosing the longest song ever for the song check. SONG: He's Got A Dose Of Clap...
5) Shop & Fuck accused Menage a None of liking all of Shop & Fuck's facebook posts and comments thus encouraging him to keep on posting. Menage a None accused Shop & Fuck of liking his own comments (I don't know what he is talking about). C-Men++ accused Rubber Ripper of hitting on Jesus. Rubber Ripper accused Barbara Bush of not sporting her pearls. SONG: Missed it.
6) Donald Dick accused Menage a None of buying chakatta...What the fuck is that? Barbara Bush accused Taco I Barely Know Her of looking thirsty...and when One Taco drinks, so does Just Amy. Gay Matthews Lamb accused Just Dave and Barbara Bush of being better before...or maybe wetter before. Gay Matthews Lamb then accused Shop & Fuck for not cumming on Barbara Bush to get her wet (this is referencing Shop & Fuck spilling BEER on Barbara Bush earlier when he made a mess of the table...again I am sorry and I also need to apologize to Barbara Bush again for spilling BEER on her, not in her). Just John accused Just Sara of sporting 1994 on trail (she wore a flannel). Gag Reflex accused Donald Dick of being the Arnold of the BFM...looking to Pump (clap) YOU UP! Barbara Bush accused Just John of not getting the car books for Just Sara for wearing her flannel on trail. Cockmaster and Commander accused Rubber Ripper of something (but he was across the room doing his body roll so he was hard to understand). Urine Luck accused the Dead End of not having any glitter on him from the H5. Urine Luck accused Groundhog Lay of getting his Don Johnson on with not shirt under the jacket and no socks on with the shoes. Groundhog Lay accused all women of the BFM for not wearing white T-shirts for the rains earlier that evening. Cockmaster and Commander accused Urine Luck of looking like Don Johnson's poor (as in homeless looking) brother. SONG: My Name Is Jack
Hole Patrol wanted you to know that the 550th already happened
Gay Matthews Lamb wanted you to know that Dine Le Blanc already happened
The DC Red Dress Run is October 12th. Get Tickets as soon as possible. There will be a lot of us there.
Donald Dick wants you to start thinking about Burning Man in February. I think he is getting a van.
Hole Patrol wants you to be prepared for the Pope's visit to Philly and the inevitable Philly Phair Weather Midnight Mass Hash that will come along with it.
Tits Of Steel wants you to always be coming out for the Philly Hash (on Saturdays now that it is after labor day)
And with that the circle was closed. The Girls from NY were selling T shirts that night and had some great stories of Italian meals and nobody had a clue what a Happi Coat was. Some how the LVH3 Flag made an appearance and was passed around for signing and picture taking. This eventually ended up with its own facebook page.
"Wooder...tastes better when you say it that way." Shop & Fuck
"I can't watch Sharknado by myself." One Inch In
"I don't leave urine all over the seat because I'm a nice fucking guy." Gag Reflex
"WAFFLES!" One Inch In
"Up and down and people are buying drinks and we're talking about Hobby Lobby." Donald Dick
"And low, with a crack of thunder, so began the hash. Down the streets, to and fro, fro and to, people look to the sky." Rubber Ripper or Just John
"They said unabomber and I knew it was me. I'm that asshole." Just Andrew
"Two In The Sink None In The Pink has been preparing for Diner Le Blanc for the last two months." Gag Reflex