So the sweaty masses of the BFM were gathering together to celebrate 550ish nights of BFM Tom foolery. This brought together so many of our beloved BFMers to reminisce of days past and guess at what was in store as the secret of the nights events were locked down so as to create an air of antici………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………pation. So we all met up to say fuck you to Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer by keeping it going for one more night as we started out at Druid’s Keep with $2 drafts for our thirsty brothers and sisters. Hole Patrol furiously started people signing waivers and collecting the last of the nights cash from those with last minute payments. Amongst those in attendance were:
Rubber Ripper, Splashback, Chorizo Curtains, Spare My Finger, Tits Of Steel, Horny Hands, International House Of Virgins, Gag Reflex, Menage None, Just Amy, Penetration Is Elementary, Just Janelle, Cockmaster And Commander, Cause For Blindness, Flounder, Shop & Fuck, Gay Matthews Lamb, Urine Luck, Hole Patrol, Manual Fiesta, Taco I Barely Know Her, Vaginacologist, C-Men++, Liquor Box, Just Catherine, Schporto Hole, Just Sara, Just Dave (Jesus), Rape
Van Winkle, Slutcracker, Barbara Bush, Auschwitz Hole Is That (Pablow Picass-Ho), Just Martin, Just Hannah, Doggy Style, Donald Dick, Chef Boy Or Horse, Chasez Boyz, Red Hot Chilly Pussy, 23rd Cumosome, Ass Jabber, Punani Purri, Just
Chris, Just Randi, Salt Lick, Two In The Sink None In The Pink, Just Dave, Fanny Packer, Semen On The Poop Deck, Just Joe, Your Shit Is On Fire, Just Jessie, Spunk Monkey, Jug Stain, Just Matt, Just Jeremy, Runner Girl, Bare Back Mountain, Just Beth, Parrot Head, Anal Nicole, That Bitch Will Find U, Not In My Hair, Just Claire, Just Brian…And there were others but I don’t have their names in my notes so I will be more than happy to edit this post with them as I get them.
So all were anxious and dressed to impress with their summer themed outfits. Gay Matthews Lamb and Cause For Blindness were the hares and they bounded out with orange chalk in tow to set forth the nights events. Manual Fiesta and Tits Of Steel then gathered the crowd for chalk talk and explained to them what was in store. Prior to heading out, everyone grabbed their gear from the bar and tossed it into the back of Taco I Barely Know Her’s truck so they could be transported to our super secrete surprise location. And soon the pack was off. About five minutes later, Barbara Bush with bike helmet on, loaded up the Jell-o shots (which Tits Of Steel slaved over the night before), hopped on her bike and bolted to the shot check location ahead of the pack. It was quite an impressive feat of balance as she had bags hanging from both sides of the handle bars. Now while the rest of the pack was off enjoying the trail Taco I Barely Know Her, Just Amy, And Shop & Fuck drove over to the pier over on Delaware Avenue where Taco I Barely Know Her and Just Amy guarded everyone’s gear and Shop & Fuck setup the shirts for sale out of the back of his car. As for the rest of trail I shall leave
this spot for somebody else to fill in:
<SPOT FOR TRAIL DETAILS>
…And then after all of that craziness happened the pack finally arrived at their destination on pier 24 where the Ben Franklin Cruise Liner anxiously awaited us to violate it for the next 2-3 hours. YES! You heard that right…WE WERE GETTING ON
A BOAT. A fully catered, open bar, with a DJ, out on the Delaware! So everyone anxiously crowded in to get on the BOAT while Shop & Fuck did his best to take tally of all that were there, collect the last of the payments and waivers and make sure everyone got on and weren’t left behind. I cannot stress enough how amazingly cooperative everyone was for this cluster fuck part of the evening. I truly appreciate it as I know I was the bottle neck for everyone getting on the BOAT and partying like only hashers can…better yet…BFM’ERS! But once that was all done and over with, WE WERE ALL ON A BOAT! And we ate our faces off with excellent cuisine which there was plenty of for everyone. We also had guest
appearances from a gang of celebrities that made the rest of the pack a little nervous to be shipping off with for a three hour
The Skipper: Punani Purri
And His First Mate Too: Hole Patrol
The Millionaire: Donald Dick
And His Wife: Spare My Finger
The Movie Star: Chorizo Curtains
The Professor: Cockmaster And Commander
And Maryanne: Just Randi
Here on Gilligan’s Island…OR…rather…THE BEN FRANKLIN BOAT!
So after we ate and ate and ate and then drank and drank and drank, we all DANCED AND DANCED AND FUCKING DANCED! Soon Gay Matthews Lamb, Tits Of Steel and Manual Fiesta figured out the PA system and then eventually got all of us half-minds together as we were all called in for:
HARES: Gay Matthews Lamb and Cause For Blindness led us on a mercifully short, shot filled, and perfectly timed trail that got us all onto a BOAT. SONG: And The Hairs…
VIRGINS: Just Claire was made cum by Not In My Hair…that lucky dog! Can you imagine having your virgin hash end up on a BOAT! How could any hash after ever compare? SONG: Backs Against The Wall…
VISITORS: There were so many and like I mentioned earlier…I don’t have all the stragglers…but I do know that the visitors from the Blue Hen H3 gave us a cock show, the Great Boobs H3 gave us a boob show, The Hockessin H3 gave us a cock show, the Hells Something H3 gave us a boob show, The H5 gave us a man nipple show, and the NYC H3 shot us the moon! SONG: Meet The Hashers…
FIRST IN/LAST IN: Manual Fiesta/Anal Nicole and Tits Of Steel. The first on the BOAT was Just Randi (Maryanne). SONG: I missed it.
AUTO HASHERS: Just Amy, Taco I Barely Know Her, Shop & Fuck, Spare My Finger, Chorizo Curtains, 23rd Cumosome and Just Jessie. SONG: Your Number One…
CUMS LATELY: I did my best to get them all but this is what I got…Semen On The Poop Deck, Rubber Ripper, Your Shit Is On Fire, Just Jessie, Chef Boy Or Horse, Just Amy, Chasez Boyz, Just Martin, Splashback, Just Catherine, Fanny Packer, Not In My Hair, Barbara Bush, C-Men++, Just Dave. SONG: Where Were You Last Week…
500th GATHERING: All those that were at the 500th gathering were called into circle…social! And as this happened we all thought we were drinking a little too much as the world began to spin around and around…but it was just the BOAT spinning to head back up the river. SONG: It’s A Small Dick After All…
250th GATHERING: This was a much more manageable number of people to record. Cause For Blindness, Jug Stain, Gag Reflex, Flounder…and for some reason Punani Purri thought he was there… SONG: Why Were You Born So Beautiful…
1St HASH: Which left us with just Cause For Blindness…and the cheese stands alone, the chees stands alone, high ho the
merry-o, the cheese stands alone. SONG: Put Your Right Tit Over My Shoulder…
1) Hole Patrol and Donald Dick wanted to call out everyone that was jealous of them being dressed up as Gilligan’s Island…and apparently nobody was fessing up. Chorizo Curtains accused Semen On The Poop Deck for finally being in his element at the hash…on a BOAT. Slutcracker started off well enough on her accusation but then like a deer in headlights, froze up and walked shamefully into circle for her down down. SONG: When It’s Incest Time In Texas…
2) Barbara Bush accused Menage None of wearing a fedora and not being ironic (YES, BARBARA BUSH IS BACK!). And somebody also accused Just Dave of having to where his sunglasses at night so he can so he can…Vaginacologist accused Semen On The Poop Deck of sporting camel toe…ON HIS FEET! Punani Purri accused Urine Luck of dressing like him cause he is jealous of Punani Purri’s style. International House Of Virgins accused Punani Purri of something racist like a marathon or a shirt he was wearing or something along those lines (my notes actually have “racit in ciucle”). Hole Patrol accused Vaginacologist of elitist behavior as he keeps passing two or three exams each week for like the last three months. Urine Luck accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink for dressing in all white after labor day and for the last six months straight. SONG: God Bless My Underwear…
3) HAT! Menage None and Just Dave. SONG: YOU’RE STUPID…
4) Slutcracker accused Punani Purri of looking like a lost puppy crying his puppy tears for not being on his own BOAT. Manual Fiesta accused Donald Dick of complaining about his ascot being too hot and how he wished he had chosen one of his many other ascots. And when one member of Gilligan’s Island Drinks so does Hole Patrol, Spare My Finger, Just Randi, Cockmaster and Commander, and Chorizo Curtains…and when one Ginger drinks so does Not In My Hair, Penetration Is Elementary, Slutcracker, and Tits Of Steel. SONG: My Name Is Jack…
5) Rape Van Winkle accused Flounder of reminiscing about his first days on a BOAT back on the Mayflower. Chorizo Curtains accused Shop& Fuck of looking like a Greek right off of the BOAT. Hole Patrol accused Rape Van Winkle of being confused because obviously Flounder is the last remaining survivor of the Titanic crash. Cockmaster and Commander accused Vaginacologist of racing on the Pier on his way to the BOAT. Pablow Picass-Ho accused Chorizo Curtains of not realizing that Shop & Fuck was obviously a Cuban immigrant rescued off of an inner tube in the harbor. Just Chris accused International House Of Virgins of making celebrities…I am not quite sure either. SONG: I Love Booze, Booze Loves Me…
6) Donald Dick accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of being a better Gilligan than Hole Patrol. Menage None accused Hole Patrol of finally reaching puberty during chalk talk. Cause For Blindness accused Shop& Fuck of spraying his orange cum all over her and Gay Matthews Lamb. Barbara Bush accused Spare My Finger not sharing the pearls around her neck with her. Jug Stain accused Runner Girl of not having enough glitter. Two In The Sink None In The Pink accused Donald Dick of something…at this point we should just assume he is the much younger male version of Cause or Blindness with his accusations. Manual Fiesta accused Parrot of looking wonderful in his life preserver neck wear…SAFTEY THIRD! Gag Reflex accused Liry? Of “Yes they are and everyone can!” Barbara Bush accused Cockmaster And Commander of being a Navy man and not getting dressed up in his sexy dress blues for all the ladies to cream over. Punani Purri accused Just Dave (Jesus) of mistaking this BOAT for his Ark. Chasez Boyz accused Spunk Monkey of proving he was wearing a kilt to 12yo’s on trail. Just Catherine accused Punani Purri of trying to dress like a douche bag and coming off as less of a douche bag than normal. Just Dave (Noah) accused Hole Patrol of wearing the most faded Gilligan shirt that it actually was more pink than red. Donald Dick accused Just Catherine of making him believe she was just mimicking the Elaine dance when in actuality that was her actual dance. SONG: Face Down, Ass Up…
SIDE-SIDE: It was Salk Lick’s birthday…and what better way to celebrate than with a side-side on a BOAT!
Salt Lick wanted us to know that there is a Red Dress Run cumming up in NYC on September 20th
Ass Stabber wanted us to know that the Leigh High Valley H3 is having a camp weekend that already passed.
The H5 wanted us to know that they were having a camp weekend that already passed.
Shop & Fuck wants you to know that we are throwing ourselves out a plane. If you want in then get me a $50 deposit by Thursday September 18th so we can reserve you a spot to jump with the other 20 people on Saturday September 27thin the afternoon. There will be trail and camping afterwards with beer and food all included in the price for $175. ACT FAST! My PayPal account is firstname.lastname@example.org or bring $50 cash to the Thursday BFM on September 18th at Tango in China Town.
And with that circle was closed and we went back to dancing…and did we ever. We were like dancing fools and we loved every second of it. It was the most amazing night ever. . I left my
notepad down while I danced and below are the results: