We (Flounder and Your Humble On-Sec) arrived early, in time to find a prime spot in front of the pub, and almost in time to run down 2 (in the) Sink, No(ne in the) Pink (aka 2 Sink, No Pink; aka Chair) who was too busy Tweeting his every thought to notice The Beemer as he crossed the street. We settled in with our happy hour beers and waited for the hordes. Just (don’t call me creepy tube cock) Martin was the first horde in. He assured me he hadn’t been named in my absence, but that Just Janelle is now Pissy Elliot and Just Catherine earned the moniker Chicken Little Tits. Speaking of Piss, we had a visitor from Atlanta, Pissticide. Shortly thereafter Just Beth and Just Jesus (Dave can’t go hashing ‘Cause he . . . .), He’s a Lesbian (and his heavy load), Shop ‘n’ F*ck, dressed for autohashing , Scrummy Seconds and his Virgin Just Jason-Right-Now, then … Justs John, Alper, Chris, Morgan, Christine (aka Blond Chick) with Spare My Finger, and Manual Fiesta. Missing were our from-the-Yunk hares – Jug (no Bucks for me) Stain and (Great) Tits of Steel.
After the tired hares arrived and had a cold one, we all headed (who said yadda yadda) out for Chalk Talk. There were the usual marks, including a song check (but we didn’t put any of those) and the not-so-usual Boob/Tit check. Oh, and BN is a Beer Quest – find the beer hidden in the pile of leaves, or the other pile of leaves. Or maybe that one over there.
For the uninitiated a boob check means that men cannot leave the check until:
A.) a person with boobs finds trail – meaning it’s also a *real* go-find-the-trail-check
B.) a person with boobs flashes them (which “them”? Yes.)
Also BRING A HEADLAMP OR FLASHLIGHT or BUDDY UP WITH SOMEONE WITH A FLASHLIGHT OR HEADLAMP. ‘Cause there are deep, dark, deep, dark woods nearby. Real Shiggy.
Trail began with the usual clusterf*ck, with pack checking every direction except the right one. After the hares laid a chalk arrow the pack eventually caught up with me and we kept together-ish. Since we were in Manayunk, trail went uphill. And uphill. And uphill, until a check near a staircase sent us back down, down, down, and along a paved path Into the Woods*** where we clumped and climbed and clattered our way to the Beer Quest Near at a playground on the outskirts of the deep dark woods. There was swishing and swinging and swilling until all the beer was gone, so we could continue downhill back to the bar. Now my definition of r*nning = what happens when trail goes downhill, so I was r*nning, but not so fast as to pass the two hashers in front of me, thereby upholding my Last In reputation.
Pitchers of Lager, Lite and water greeted us as we changed into clean dry clothes and waited for
Hares: Tit Stain (Jugs of Steel?) did the jig while we sang our opinion of Shitty Trail.
Virgin: Just Jason reluctantly admitted that Scrummy Seconds made him cum. We’ve got virgin.
First and Last In: Lesbian and Cause are Not #5, #4, #3, #2, We’re #1!
Autohashers: The aforementioned ShopNFuck and Our Fearless Leader Gay Matthews Lamb were The Meanest. You should see what they did with that horse’s penis.
Cums Latelies: Scrummy Seconds, J. Chris, J. Morgan, He’s a Lesbian, Flounder, Cause for Blindness. Where Oh Where Were We Last Week? (Packing for Not DCRDR)
SnF said of He’s a Lesbian “The gentleman used the oldest pick-up line in the world” (But I don’t remember what it was. Sorry.)
Shop ‘N Fuck was accused of calling Lesbian a gentleman.
Ms. Curtains accused Cause of making her wear a choad.
J. Chris accused J. Jesus of being a beer snob.
- They sang a song I don’t remember ‘Cause I was writing this stuff down.
C C accused Cause of not knowing what a choad is.
J. John was accused of Pretty Shoes (ah, the memories of Nice Shoes…), and when one P. S. drinks, so does Chorizo Curtains
GML accused anyone with scars from trail because they didn’t wear shaggy socks as advised : J. Chris, J. Morgan, and GML for the lame-ish accusation.
- Dinah, Won’t You Blow
J. Beth accused Jesus (J. Dave) of having titties. And they both accused Ch. C. of not swinging with them at the beer near.
GML accused the hares of something or other, but seeing as he wasn’t on trail, logic would dictate he was accusing them of volunteering to hare. Or maybe it was for it being a dead trail (which was okay with me ‘Cause they swept the trail, keeping me from being all by my lonesome.)
- All four of ‘em Just Got Out of Prison.
J. Jesus and J. Beth were accused of knot nowing the autohasher song (we have a song? Well, we should.) or maybe for not know what autohashers are.
Jug Stain was accused of auto-haring and when one hare drinks, Tits drinks.
Then our fearful leader, Gay Matthews Lamp (I love Lamp) told a sad tale of needing to be on time to a meeting but the garage attendant LOST HIS KEYS! Which is why he had to auto-hash the hash. All this so he could accuse Just Alper of looking like the guy who LOST HIS KEYS! Whereupon Shop/Fuck accused GML of making him hear the story twice.
He’s a Lesbian accused Chorizo Quart of having seen a “tuna can” (see above).
- Ass-hole, ass-hole, a soldier I will be.
Okay, now it’s been a few weeks and I still can’t really understand the rest of my scribbles, but(t) I think the extra accusations went something like this:
Lesbian – flour; GML – Spare My Finger pulled out (of DC) early; Just Beth – Goats on Trail; 2Sink0Pink – J. Alper, Alcohol Abuse; Just Martin – Foot Fetish; Shop n Fuck - ???
- I Whip My Cock Out/Can’t Say Your Safe Word. Cha cha cha.
SnF – Just Morgan, not knowing what a cunt looks like. Just Chris – OK
Just John – Story Fail
Virgin (Just Jason) – looking horrified
Scrummy 2nds – not informing his virgin about hats –> all Baldies –> all Gingers –> all Hares SOCIAL!
- If I Had the Wings of a Sparrow (I’d be first in all the time)
Wait, there’s more. SnF – Pissticide giving Flounder competition in the age category
F. Joh 2 S no P ??? oh ---- J. John accused Two in the Sink, None in the Pink of whining about there being marks after the BN; SF – J. Chris too Q (?); J. Jason – Chorizo falling behind. (or on her behind>); Scrummy Seconds – Crossfit Asshole; J. Virgin – Lesbian, pinky.
- Hashers, Meet the Hashers.
2 Sink, No Pink – Chug – Bossy Pants (?)
(Phily, Big Tackle, Car ?)
Philly 1900 R*n on November 22 at The Barn
The White Dress Weekend – Nov. 13-16
Halloween Hash. Horny Hands has pictures posted on Flickr.
Philly Full Moon – Rocky Horror Picture Scavenger Hunt and Midnight showing.
(Shop n Furter/Rocky won for Male costume at the movie event.
Cause was #2 for the Virgin orgasm.)
"I'm gonna stick my finger in a chicken." - What an unknown hasher heard when I said "There's Spare My Finger and a Blond Chick."
“Big Red Cock-Shaped Dot” – Un-named hasher.
“Banana Hammock” – Ukn. Hasher
“No Ponies” – J. Alper
On-on-sec Cause for Blindness (click if you dare!)