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*Editor's Note: I'm not sure if this is spelled correctly, but that is one word I do NOT want to Google to double check.
At first glance, the numbers at the left might appear like mile markers. The length of this trail sure felt like a half marathon to those of us dumb enough to hash a trail hared by Hole Patrol.**
Nope. Each number refers to a back check.
There was a back check 7 that led to a back check 2. One back check 3 definitely referred to the 3 dumpsters we nearly had to dive through to get through the gross back alleyway. The brief respites from back checks were littered with myriad other obstacles, like the fifteen homeless people whose home we barged in on going down an underpass near City Hall.
**Editor's Note #2: There was another hare. Who was it? Yeah, I don’t know. Doesn’t matter though. I’m sure HP called the shots the whole way.
(Is there a special name for autohashers who show up at the beer check? No? There should be.)
- Just Tag who’s apparently no longer Just Tag… sorry
- Donald Dick
- Just Tori
Direct Quote: “That was less than 3 miles!” – Race-ist #1 (Hole Patrol)
Distance clocked on Race-ist #2’s (Cockmaster) watch: 4.27 miles
Distance clocked on Race-ist #3’s (Urine Luck) watch: 5.03 miles
Take a gander at photo numero dos above. Now, in his defense, HP clocked 2.7 miles. Fine. Okay. But for those of us actually RUNNING trail (because ask a race-ist if a 12:03/mile pace counts as running, and he'll laugh and say that he crawled faster as a baby), we know that no one sticks EXCLUSIVELY to the trail set. Between all the back checks and obscurity, I (shockingly) trust the other race-ist fools on this one.
(Not so) exciting things of note that happened at the beer check:
- Evil twin arrives. Good twin is unaccounted for.
- Just Urine Luck's brother cleared away everyone within a 4-foot radius when he farted
- Hares suck.
- Virgins: J.Anthony made J.Tim and J.Brendan cum; Gag made J.Dave, and J.Rhys come
- Visitor: Mary Fucking Poppins
- First in: Pablow
- Last in: Cause
- Cums latelies: Pabow, Cocklate, Pissy, Penny, Mary, Ozzy, HP, J.Malcolm, J.Tori, J.Kristine
- Autos: J.No-Longer-Tag, J.Tori
Accusations: Highlights (because there were a lot. Sorry not sorry.)
- J.Tag's name is Blue Oyster Cunt? Huh? Apparently I don't come here enough anymore.
- Honey thinks J.Dave looks hot A.F. like Brad Pitt
- GML: BOC had Amazon deliver to the bar.
- Honey to Just Gag's Twin: "I thought this was more about drinking than running."
- HP called BOC a nerd for doing homework. I give him a gold star.
- Cockmaster said HP laid a "dick trail"
- Pissy called out Donald Dick for saying, "My arms are really tired because I've been lifting for three hours."
- Honey accused Cockmaster of NOT talking nerdy like his shirt says, to which Urine Luck replied, "We don't punish your illiteracy."
- I accidentally almost stabbed Just Kristine in the jugular. Sorry about that one.
- APPARENTLY JUST ANTHONY IS A MURDERER? WHAT?? It's kind of scary to read that out of context a month and a half later. Again, why do I have this job?
- Hot Cocklate's birthday is tomorrow! Tits of Steel's is on Monday!
Just Dr. Dave becomes...
4. Made myself cum
3. Reverse cowgirl
2. Likes goats
But nope, it's.... "SLEEP IN BEAUTY!" Because apparently he was once so drunk he fell asleep during sex.