Who came: Justs (Anthony, Bryan, Chris, Chris "Crispy", Peter, Jason, Timee, Eric "Jerry" & Marcus), Manual Fiesta, Gay Matthews Lamb, Cause for Blindness, Slothy Seconds, newly-named Taintless Love, OPP, DSP, Flounder, He's a Lesbian, Commando Christ, Cummingtonite, Silence of the Goats, Pantyphyle, Goose, Blink 5'2", The Period Changes Everything, Tits of Steel, ScarfAce, Fort Dixalot and definitely some other people I missed or forgot to write their names down.
Virgins: Just James (Taintless made him cum), Just Sam ("Jerry" made her cum, oh yeah he did), Just Vikra/Fikra and Just Kyle (Manual made him cum).
Oh man, where to begin. 50 word synopsis: We came to Manayunk. We ran up and down and up and down hills some more. Shots checks galore. Shots at Cummingtonite's. Shots at Taintless Love's, maybe?. More shots at Just Jason's. Awesome animal masks. Bitch $hots living up to her name and pouring shots for the masses. Shit was awesome.
Apparently it was not only the Thursday before Easter, but also Purim, the Jewish holiday of feasting and rejoicing. What a better holiday for the hash than one where you are supposed to exchange food and drinks. And exchange drinks we did, lots of drinks. Our trusty RAs led us in another glorious chalk talk regaling us of the mysteries of Easter, Purim and our hilly trail.
Trail made its way from Bitch $hots house through quasi-Roxborough and then down into Manayunk proper where we were treated to shots (read: full cups of vodka with a splash of cranberry juice) poured by the BFM's very own $hots queen. We congregated in Cummingtonite's backyard as the pack slowly and steadily came in. Everyone helped themselves to multiple rounds of shots wearing their favorite animal masks. I still have my Giraffe mask hanging in the other room, staring at me, judging me. Those eyes, oh those eyes. But I digress.
Any who, after the back of the pack finally caught up with our new fleet of Justs/FRBs (front running bastards for those of you not in the know) we headed down the hill some more and took the toe path back a ways through Manayunk. This is when things start to get hazy. I could swear we stopped at another hasher's house for yet another shot check (Taintless Love's house perhaps). Anyway, we left their alive and full of shots just to make our way up one of Manayunk's infamous staircases (to hell) and found our third and last SN/BN of the night. Just Jason hosted us on his awesome roof deck where we drank, you guessed it, more shots. Starting to see a theme; Bitch $hots you are good. Luckily there was also some beer at this SN to wash it all down.
Hold on, hold on. Let me back up. I totally forgot about the SN/dance rave party (aka Spring time thug dance off)/horror scene from the Blair Witch Project. Our hares led us onto a golf course then down into the woods (with no headlamps) only to find an amazing shot check with techno rave lights and music. Thank god (it was Holy Thursday after all) for the light up Bunny Ears to lead the way in and around the dance floor, i.e. the dirt path in the woods. Ok fast forward back to trail after at least the third shot check.
So we finally made it back to Bitch $hots' house where our other hare, Splashback, had planned an Easter Egg hunt in the backyard. There were some extra special large eggs too, filled with adult-themed goodies. I didn't hang around late enough to see all the competitions, but the one I did see involved a half can of beer being squeezed onto Blink's head after a Shotgun gone horribly wrong. It was amazing to watch and fortunately it was caught on camera for the rest of you to watch over and over again.
Circle was lively with a litany of accusations from across the board. I accused Goose a bunch for who knows what and he took them like a man (a man in a tree). All and all, it was an amazing night of hashing in Manayunk.
Overheard at the Hash:
"Eat of my body, and I will turn it into carbs for you" - Silence of the Goats
"Who is that elderly person walking up the wooded trail at night?" referring unwittingly to Flounder - Anonymous
"I have a list of people that can come up behind me and thrust me" - revealed by invitation only
"Boogerface" referring to Just Vikra/Fikra - Everyone
Our new GM, Fort Dixalot, has decided to bequeef upon someone the new glorious title of MasterBeader. This person will be tasked with creating hash necklaces for those newly-named BFMers. Nominations for this new position will continue until the #632 hash on 3/31/16. Nominations so far include: Goose, Splashback and Blink 5'2".
Till we meet again,
Gay Matthews Lamb