Where: JD McGillicuddy's, Roxborough
When: Thursday, April 20, 2017, 7:30p HST
Who hared? Taintless Love, Emo Kid, and Post Traumatic Goose Disorder
Who attended?
3-Way Stop 60k9 Ass Ass In Nation Baaa! Ram Him Bitch Better Have My $hots Flash Whoredon Fort DixALot Gay Matthews Lamb Judge Doody May I Cum On Ya Pantyphile Pink n' Puffy Post Traumatic Goose Disorder Pounded in the Can Rocky Horror Pussy Bow Señor Ballz Silence of the Goats Taintless Love The Angry Inch The Period Changes Everything Tinklebell Tits of Steel Where's Mi D? | Just Christian Just Jillian Just Sean | Virgins: Just Chelsea (via 3-Way Stop) Transplants: Under the Gaydar (Great Boobs H3) Ass to Mouth (LVH3) |
Where am I? J.D. McGigglys. McGargles. McGillicuddy's! In Manayunk. No, Havertown. Wayne? Definitely Upper Darby. No way we'd be in Roxborough. But where are we going? I heard that Emo Kid forgot the flour, so he don't have no power. Flour power! Oh well. Hey, there's Just Christian (who certainly looks NOTHING like Hairy Springer to the point where an On-Sec might write that name down instead), who, like me, is passing the time with a...delicious? crabby pretzel that tastes like it was made an hour ago and left under a heat lamp that the staff forgot to turn on. Mmmmmm. Thankfully, Under the Gaydar is here to pass the time by serenading us against our will with the "Banana Boat Song." Day-O! Day-ay-ay-O! Oh, thank Gispert, it's time for chalk talk!
Whuuu? Post Traumatic Goose Disorder and Fort DixALot are leading us in a song? At chalk talk? Nice. It sounds so damn familiar...
[to the tune of Afroman's "Because I Got High" Goose: I was gonna write a speech But then I got high. Was gonna explain these marks and teach But then I got high I don't know what that cross means and I know why DixALot: Why, man? Goose: Because I got high because I got high because I got high I was gonna lay a trail But then I got high I hope I don't end up in jail Because I'm high Now I'm paranoid and I know why DixALot: Why, man? Goose: Because I got high because I got high because I got high Dix will explain these marks, because I'm high I hope none of you are narcs Because I'm high DixALot: Now I'm the one in charge, and I know why Goose: Why, man? DixALot: Because Goose got high Because Goose got high Because Goose got high | |
"R U?" *crickets* "R U?!" *winds whistles* "ARE FUCKING U?" *tumbleweeds roll by* I think evryone forgot how R U? works but how? It's not like we've inhaled somet....ohhhhh. Thankfully, DixALot is there to re-edumucate us at the next check only for us to immediately forget about it again. Eh, well, fuck it, On-On! Speaking of checks, DixALot, can you lead us in an ill-conceived, on-the-spot rendition of "I Love Weed" to the tune of "I Love Booze" with shitty, nonsensical lyrics? Thanks!
Holy shit, fuck these Manayunk and Roxborough hills. Fuck them so hard. How is it that Pantyphile has the energy to hurdle gravestones like he's back on the Track and Field team? Why is Ass To Mouth scouting ahead of a song check before we all get there? Spoiler alert much, AtM?
Oh, thank Gispert, a Beer Check! Deep into the Wissahickon woods we pass to drink some beers and smoke some...ummmm....weed. First up, some spiked "Gatorade" which Pantyphile suspects is "old hot tub water" and (in hindsight some 2 1/2 months later) this On-Sec wonders if it wasn't in fact just old bong water. The blue one sure as shit tasted like it, hence the Pack jostling for the orange one (Pantyphile: "Orange you glad it's not the blue drink again?")
Smash cut to Circle because I wrote fuck-all from Beer Check to On-In and barely anything after that. Fort DixALot was sure to congratulate all "two and a half hares" that laid trail and followed that nice burn by asking, "What'd we all think of Circle tonight?" Oh boy, did we let him know. Pantyphile lamented the lack of J checks (get it?) while our transplants, Under the Gaydar and Ass to Mouth, serenaded and dazzled us with a full-on ballroom dance recital of "Be Our Guest," hashy style, of course.
Now, please enjoy these doodles that I'm 90% sure Tits of Steel added to my Trash (and one more bonus pic):
Your extremely punctual On-Sec,
Baaa! Ram Him