Just like our high school proms, we all met up with our friends before the big event to admire each other’s formal wear, this time at Morgan’s Pier. Instead of taking a limo to the big event, we ran a trail laid by Sex Toys For Tots. He was nervous about the pack making it to the boat on time, so he laid a short trail. A VERY short trail – lasting about a half a mile and taking the pack 10 minutes to run, we showed up about 50 minutes early to the boat. Sex Toys generously offered everyone a round on Goats’ credit card at Cavanaugh’s while we waited. In true Big Fucking Mess style, Goats had left her credit card at the first bar.
Once all the early hijinks were settled, we boarded the Ben Franklin Yacht and bee-lined for the open bar. We set sail and made our way up to the top deck for circle, led by Goose in a Canadian tux and Fort Dixalot looking like Hugh Jackman from the Prestige. Trying to rival Goats leaving her credit card, Thud Muffin apparently left his health insurance card at Cavanaugh’s. But Goats came back with the messy win, somehow leaving her panties on Morgan’s Pier. Angry Inch finally found a date to prom, but forgot to bring a condom. The whole pack cheered for not using a condom, I guess because Safety Third (#momvoice but really you guys should use condoms).
Then, the moment we’ve been dreaming about since middle school – electing prom king and queen, and watching the Angry Inch pass both crowns off. The field for prom queen was massive, and essentially turned into a social. Goose invented an efficient voting algorithm where he repeatedly split the field in half and kept the side that had the loudest cheers, eventually crowning Three Way Stop Prom Queen. Silence of the Goats triumphed over an otherwise-all-male field for Prom King.
Then we danced, didn’t break anything or lose anyone overboard (look how much we’ve improved since #650!), and on-aftered at Cavanaugh’s Riverdeck. Because it was Just Andrew’s last hash before moving to San Francisco, an impromptu naming happened, in which he was christened Stairwell to Heaven.