General MacGyver Muff Diver McSchluber Doober, acting navigator of the BFM, left trail of imperialist grain waste through Philadelphia on evening of August 10. In order to catch the interloper, Marshar of the Republic Fort Dixalot expressed glorious chalk talk in most efficiently quick manner to please the Dear Leader and release the pack.
Our pack travel with great speed in Philadelphia! The good and patriotic character of our troops was tested by licentious American corner sloots, but our fearless and disciplined countrymen [mostly] not waylaid. Our mighty pack tracked the grains wastes deep into Chinatown territory.
There, by the benevolent hand of our Dear Leader, we arrive to hero’s welcome at beautiful voices competition. Our troops win most best blue ribbon place in competition by raising grorious voices towards West Virginia. Our victorious countrymen exited as the mewling whine of Daft Punk played in the background–just as before, the French tremble at our might!
Wait. Crap, the French have never been involved with the DPRK... that was Vietnam. Oh god. Shit. What am I doing? Is this post racist? Oh man. This post definitely went racist. And not the fun kind of joking rac*st. Crap crap crap.
How bad is it? Shiiiiiit. I can’t look. Please tell me there not too much–DAMMIT, that’s a lot of faux-broken English. Fuuuuuuck, full-on omitted articles. This is bad. Mis-conjugated verbs? Argh.
Oh no… no, not that too… swapped L’s and R’s. What have I done? Where’s the delete button? Oh! There, that’s probably the right button… this will all go away… no one will ever see… no one will even know… it will all disappear forever...
Upon our return to Finn McCool’s, we were greeted by none other than JUST JAY. It was determined that JUST JAY is a terribly boring name, therefore, after much discussion of blood, sea creatures, and the Discovery Channel, Dear Leader Sex Toys for Tots declared her to shed her nerd name in favor of DILDO DRAGONS.
Also, because someone said it, and it suddenly seems relevant here:
“So you’re not even a good racist!”