Location: Woolly Mammoth
Hares: Groundhog Lay and AssAssination
What: BFM #757
Shop and Fuck
Jewels of Duh Nile
Desperately Seeking Pussy
Other People’s Pussy
Me Shrub you Long Time
Holding it for Daddy
And me! Cuff me the Vampire Player
Not going to lie ya’ll, my kitten got out. She made it safely back! But we’re going to keep this short so I can get back to cuddling with my precious baby because she's soft and sweet, unlike you gross, sweaty creatures.
I know what you’re all thinking, there are so many somewhat passible RA’s this hash has been graced with! But we all secretly have a favorite right? The one that makes us regret coming the least?
Is it Shop and Fuck? Man…. those thighs….but who can make that work since he doesn’t know who any of us are!! Or Baa Ram Him (yes please…)? But also f*ck that guy, abandoning us with what’s his name. OR! For a limited time engagement – Everything Buttsex! Will he win our hearts against these sub-standard competitors? Let’s see how it went…
The day was hot, the hashers medium excited, and we apparently were being led by hares that loved back checks a little too much (seriously ya’ll?). Luckily we made it to an ice cream truck song check and a SN to help us forget that back checks are the worst. As we imbibed our salty AF pickle backs Blink 5’2 claimed he “doesn’t do pickle backs”. Though just a few minutes later I spied him secretly downing one? Maybe two? Luckily our hare Groundhog Lay did not share that sentiment (or need to lie, I’m hurt Blink 5’2) as he had been “sitting here drinking pickle backs for 30 minutes”.
But this level of drunk made sense as we learned – finding the BN, you know, next to the Coast Guard. Security was trying to lock up but luckily we had a super charming hasher there to convince them our chance of stealing one of their boats was less than 50% and they let us through. I didn’t write down who that was… but considering how charming they were it was probably me. You’re welcome
(Side note: I know you all aren’t great about overt positivity, but it was a pretty awesome BN peninsula. There was even a spiral staircase! Now, back to our negatively scheduled programming)
While at this (lovely, I do what I want!) BN Shop and Fuck and Slothy Seconds decided to keep the hash real. Finding a couple enjoying a date they obviously had to sit next to them and make out? But don’t worry, it wasn’t that rude, they did offer to trade (share the wealth you know?). And Groundhog Lay felt a little snubbed as our other illustrious hare AssAssination shared her last beer with me. Remember – I’m a charmer J
(Side note: addition to my notes I can’t remember but was amazing. Groundhog Lay and Slothy Seconds please translate! “7/10 sex agreement at Nittany”)
· Shop and Fuck followed Everything Buttsex into the bathroom for a hug (creeper)
· Hares can’t count to two with their back checks (also back checks in general, no one said it but seriously)
· Just Maggie chugged a glass of wine during the pre-lube (one of us!)
· Shop and Fuck explaining the many values of headboards in front of AssAssination’s mom (next time try illustrations, I’m not sure she fully got it)
Now you have all the information you need to make your decision. But choose carefully! They all already have pretty big egos, and we’re the ones that are going to have to deal with them