Hares: Shop n’ Fuck
What: BFM #769
Cause for Blindness
Jewels of De Nile
Baa Ram Him!
Me Shrub You Longtime
3 Way Stop
Not in My Hair
Uno Dos Tres Lift Off
Bloody Vaginal Discharge
Maybe its Gaybaline
Seven Queer Stitch (I think?? My handwriting is questionable)
A Boring Hand job
Senor Sodomizing Slut
And me! Cuff me the Vampire Player
*I missed someone, I know I did. Nothing personal, but I did have two of those shots so….*
You know, you all really shouldn’t let me make decisions for myself! Leaving the hash to head home (and by home I do mean my local bar for bingo, let’s be real) I thought, you know, it’s not that far, I’ll walk. I was WRONG. One mile in and I had only made it to Broad St, another 6 blocks and I was eyeing cars to pee between. Was it worth it? Let’s just say I better win tonight if I walked all this way. But anyways, back to you all, since I guess technically my job is to write about all the silly things you all did on trail.
So I roll into Bonner’s ready to hash and seriously, who the f**k are all these people?! Am I in the wrong bar? Did we get overrun with visitors? Hell yes we did. I immediately regret agreeing to write trash (I had to talk to people now? #biggerbeads2019). I found solace in Jewels of DeNile (and a beer, mostly the beer) and survey this random group of humans. But wait! Is that… is that who I think it is? BAA RAM HIM! Since I know he only came all that way to see me (obvi) the night has suddenly gotten better.
We head outside to where our (oh so handsome) RA Everything Buttsex introduced our brave virgins (Just Larry and Just Stash) and our visitors (talk slower next time, seriously ya’ll) and we were on out. Which was pretty much a straight shot… for two miles. We you intimidated by the trail last week Shop, with all those lovely checks? I’ve got short legs! And like, whatever, my soul for a few song checks.
Finally we made it to a pic check where our (long-legged) hare awaited us. And this is where we also learned that hashers do not sit still well. Maybe 45 seconds with no diversion and you all decide pantsing Shop was the only thing to do. Not gonna lie, it was pretty entertaining. Picture done, we went around the corner to enjoy (shh, let’s not hurt Shop’s feelings) a SN, which was (accurately) noted as “tastes like sugar and shame”.
Off again we headed to the art museum, and then up the art museum, and then around? Finally we came upon a song check. After entertaining the uber waiters we headed another 30 feet and we were rewarded with the best part of the night, the BN!
At the BN we found Cum in my Hair and Groundhog Lay who filled us in on their near miss. Apparently they were looking suspicious chilling on museum grounds with a bunch of beer (I’m shocked) so security was eyeing them up. But then the rest of the hash came barreling around the corner and they made the smart choice – not f**king worth it. We clearly would have shared but whatevs, haters. After that we were on in, which was mostly a half run/ stumble as our legs had atrophied during the BN. Should have listened to Magically Delicious when she suggested some calisthenics!
· Some kind of grab Shop’s scrotum game? I zoned out for one second and it got real…
· Just Andrew was gifted a hash shirt so he’d make better choices about his race-ist attire
· Just Rob dropped his dick during the hash, which Groundhog Lay retrieved (don’t ask, it was a weird night)
· Jewels of DeNile was real confused about if circle was in the back room (where all the hashers were?) or the bar. I blame the shame shots
· Just Joey kicked a puppy. You soulless human…
· Just Larry and Just Stash were apparently very polite on trail and no one could come up with an accusation. So we just made them drink, we do what we want.
And then I got bored of writing, you all talk a lot
Happy birthday AssAssination!!