Location: 10 Stone
Hares: Just Joey and Statutory Consent
What: BFM #770
Shop and fuck
And me! Cuff me the Vampire Player
Hashers not committed to the snow-ment:
General Tso Dicken
You Cant Handle the Poop
Oh my goodness, it has finally happened. The moment I didn't know I've been waiting for all year. Here I was, thinking this was just going to be a regular, run of the mill hash. Find a few marks, drink a beer, regret a shot (okay, a few), and wake up Friday trying to remember why I ever thought you all were a good idea. And then HE stood up- my liege, my prince (in a platonic way, still queer over here, don't get any ideas). Who do you ask made 2018 slightly more bearable? Read on...
So there I was, all warm and cozy (aka. three beers in) messaging Groundhog Lay. Its freezing, the ground is covered in slush... it's literally raining! But he promised me a very special night (again, not in that way, relax) so I gathered my stuff and trudged the mile and a half to the hash.
*please note: it was slushy AF. So I took no notes on trail, behold a brief recap)
Arriving to a very small crew I had my doubts (two hares and two hashers does not equal a lazy hash) but slowly some more hashers trickled in and energy picked up (aka. now four beers in). As it was Just Joey's virgin hare, he was eager to be on the way, so off he and Statutory Consent went. With pleas from us all for a short trail.
As I had fallen twice just walking to the bar (!!!) I didnt even bother to change out of work clothes. But somehow still didnt manage to be the most fancy on trail? Just Steven strolled in a minute before the hash in a button down and dress pants. Shop nicely encouraged him to hurry and change, but he was apparently all ready to go #newhashdresscode
So off we went, for about three blocks where we found our first check. And then spent a good 10 minutes finding trail. This was not a Santa Claus moment my friends. We checked each route once, we checked each route twice....we checked a third time? Distrust was starting to build at this point. We even started checking the alleys half up the block! And that's when we had our first causality of the night, Urine Lock (and only, didn't want to make him feel too bad he was the only to give up).
Finally we found a mark that had been shoveled under a car (snow slush ya'll) and we were off! And before long we found the BN, which was good since Groundhog Lay and Shop and Fuck decided real "men" don't feel the cold and hashed in shorts. We circled up for warmth and drank our icicle beers, but then learned our SN was close (and inside) and gave up on that nonsense pretty quick.
Off we went. At this point the rain had slowed, but the slush was real. It was almost like a slush snowball fight? But between your two feet. And they both lost.
Thankfully the SN was close, and what a SN it was! I don't know how many of you have been to Statutory Consent's home, but its lovely and magical (and I dont just mean the central heating). I'm giving no more details, cause I can't handle the competition #cubbycatcuddlebuddyplease
Honestly didnt write any down, but doesn't matter cause I remember the ONE accusation I had to make and didnt:
GROUNDHOG LAY MAKES A PENIS SCARF IN COLD WEATHER HASHES. LITERALLY A FABRIC COVERING FOR HIS JUNK. A COCK SWADDLE, IF YOU WILL
That's all, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
So you remember how I mentioned the moment where 2018 became good? Where I would leave a cozy bar to trek a mile and half in the snow slush?
May I present, the newest hasher to the BFM: Knights of the Poundtable!!!! (Formally known as Just Joey)
Notable hash name options:
- you're so basic
- fire butt
- frequent fucker miles
- neville powerbottom