As I sit here petting my pussy (cat), I think about all the great times we’ve shared together. Your RAing skills, including songs new and old, have brought a new, yet traditional aura to the hash this year and will be missed. You may be leaving us, but the drunken memories (and lack there of) will last a lifetime. Drunken memories are always the hardest to recall….
Let’s begin with the most recent of your SHITTY trails:
Hares: Baaa! Ram Him and Tits of Steel
Just Taylor (Baaa! Ram Him)
Just Alex (Statch)
Just Jessie (Internet)
Just Collin (3 Balls)
Just Rebecca (Jewels)
Cause For Blindness
Pounded In The Can
May I Cum On Ya
Me Shub You Long Time
3 Balls daugher
Under The Gaydar
Condom Fuck Sister
Not In My Hair
“The woman with the nice clothes”
Meet up was in the parking lot of Walnut Lane Golf Club connviently located next to Chubbies and Delesandros. Is there a better way to say farewell to Philly than with a beer and a cheesteak?! Beers were drank, chalk talk was had, and we were on our way!
Trail began with a quick decent down some shady ass stairs into the Wissahickon. After one song check which was led by visitor Jiggaly Tits, we were crossing some shiggy….the "I wish I grabbed a plastic baggy at chalk talk" kind of shiggy… the “up to Cause’s lady bits” (Quoted from Rubber Ripper) kind of shiggy…the damn, I should have brought a dry bag kind of shiggy… the yup, wet kind of shiggy. After crossing and climbing up a dramatic incline the pack patiently waited at the following song check for the stranglers to arrive/survive. Lets take this time now to give a round of applause for Slothy, T-Blowner, Rubber Ripper, and Goundhog Lay for rounding up the DFL *cough cough Cause cough cough * . The only thing saving Cause from the death stares of the pack was her beautifully sung rendition of “I effed a dead wh*re by the roadside” at the song check. Back on our way we crossed another song check led by one of our LVH3 visitors (shout out to Bitch Tits, T-Blowner, Fuck-A-Sore-Ass (I forget who it was))….This hare likes song checks, he must be an RA or something. Back onto trail and I see a halfmind running strait at me.. nope, past me. 60k9, are you lost? Nope. Just a J check. Sucks to be fast.
At this point in time we are nearing the BN. At this point in time it also would have been nice to read the trail description. More shiggy, including a long lost tunnel for Eagles and a nice little hop skip and a jump around it for Turkeys. Didn’t bring a headlamp? Good thing Thud Muffin’s could light the way to H5 and back without any problems. Shorly after, BEER! YAY!
BNs are great because there's beer, there's friends, and there's chatting, and there's smiling. And this is what hashing is all about!
Back on trail, we come across another J check. This time it is Rubber Ripper to Thud Muffin. The rest of the pack continued to the next song check where Condum Fuck Sister and Roller Girl found the ugliest looking bugs I have ever seen. Roller Girl coined the term “Sprickets” for these nasty little buggers and may have taken one home as a pet, I’m not really sure. At this song check Orgy Cycle showed us how to ride a construction worker- errr I mean construction vehicle- and Groundhog Lay showed off his brand new trail treasure, a child's plastic shovel, which would later come in handy. Just as we were making our way back onto trail we spotted Pantyphile’s doppleganger. No, not a drunk American Eagle model, just a look-alike.
Next, the shot stop. Where we drank out of shoes just as Baa! did on his very first BFM trail. The strawberry margaritas and red wine were much appreciated. On our way to the on-in we encountered more shiggy in the form of horse poop, as well as one final song check. This was a special song check because the dreaded trail treasure shovel was in full force. Last one to get slapped in the ass by the trail treasure, drinks out of the trail treasure. Bitch Tits slapped Jewels who slapped Condum Fuck Sister who eventually slapped Pantyphile. The pack made its way to Casting Couche’s backyard where the beer and orange food was plentyfull. RA and hare Baaa! Ram Him led circle for the last time with Ben Franklin Mob *sniff sniff *
Visitors: Body parts and a song from Rougue North/Buff Stuff/Everyday is Wednesday H3
RIP just Alex (Statutory Consent)
RIP Just Rebecca (Jewels)
First in, Last in:
Rubber Ripper (first)
Cause, DSP, Thud (last)
Accusations: (This is all I wrote down, I got lazy)
Groundhog lay: Baaa! Ram Him drinks out of his shoe because he did at his first hash
Thud Muffin: Jewels and Statch because “we know what you did to your virgins”
CFS: Pantyphile drinks out of the shovel for being the bearer of the shovel
Baa!: Statch for not knowing how to put on socks
Baa!: Rubber Ripper for his prison hair cut
CFS: Baaa! for mistaking RR’s hair cut for a prison hair cut when its just male pattern baldness
Casting Couch: Social (YAY!)
Baaa!, We thank you for your service as an RA with the Ben Franklin Mob. The sounds of your voice echoing "RU" through the streets of Philadelphia will be missed dearly. Much love and luck on your next hashy adventure in D.C. They don’t know what theye’ve gotten themselves into.
Pounded In the Can