​The following written by May I Cum On Ya is a work of fiction based on true events, with the names replaced or swapped, and then possibly returned to their original owners. The author reserves the right to embellish, obfuscate, equivocate or outright lie to make all parties sound as interesting or as innocent as the statute of limitations requires. Fictitious scapegoats may be added to further blur reality from the real ongoings of the attendees and their guests. ON ON!

Where: The Institute, 549 N 12th St, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19123
https://www.institutebar.com/

When: Thursday September 6th, 2018 6:30 (7:00 Pack Off)

Hares: Where's My D and Strawberry Shartcake

Attendance

Cuff Me the Vampire Player
Shop and Fuck
Semen on the Poop Deck
Everything Butt Sex
Jewels of Duh Nile 
Slothy Seconds
Mee Shrub You Long Time
Magically Delicious
Not In My Hair
Fuzzy Cosmo
Just Jesse
Just Joey
Just Leanne
May I Cum On Ya


Last Thursday's trail was a somber event to mark the closing of Drinker's Tavern and The Institute...just fuckin with ya. We had a great time like always! Can't keep a good hasher down (no matter the quantity of beer or tranquilizer darts). Though their doors may close forever the fun these bars facilitated and the beer soaked memories they fueled will live on forever.   

The trail was a blast no matter the efforts of our hares, Strawberry Shartcake and Where's My D, to make it melancholic [the only thing missing was a bunch of Pixar movie openings]. That's not to say that betwixt the revelry people didn't get wistful and wax poetic about all the shards of memories they shared (most great nights tend to be blurry alcoholic fever dreams with glimpses of pure joy and occasional calamity).

Trail departed from The Institute at a prompt 7PM. Naturally as a good On Sec I was there from the start and didn't show up late thinking trail was starting at the usual 8pm. They say history is written by the victors, well so is hash trash. Anyone saying I wasn't there from the start is a big fat liar, just look at this photo I took of the start! [Why am I wearing a tux? It's after 6, what am I a farmer?]



  

The pack took to the streets with occasional memorials created for each of the recently departing hash bars. Even with Shop N Fuck playing a boombox full of sad songs, no funeral dirge could turn the fun and frivolity of hashing into a sad night. "Things won't be growing on our trail...because of all the salty tears" [Nice try Shop N Fuck, but I can't hear the bad news over how handsome you are].

A candle<strike>light</strike> stick vigil was formed along trail to further bring down the pack and slow them down enough to give the hares time enough to lay trail, but it did not have the intended effect as hashers instead began to try to smoke the candles like cigarettes. Slothy Seconds took long pulls off her candle and regaled those around her with her je ne sais quoi attitude, of her citizen of the world lifestyle [read: sex tourist] and how her favorite places to have visited in Europe were Amsterdam and then the Anne Frank house (in that order) and how she learned broken German to tell the broken Dutch that she was no longer interested in their well-worn sexual playgrounds. 

Closing bars reminds us to squeeze the most out of life and the places you visit, because neither might be there for much longer. Make every night count and don't expect others to remember your legacy. Sure I was able to get the high score on the breathalyzer machine at the Raven Lounge, but what if they close? Who would remember it (apart from the State of Pennsylvania and the jury of my peers)? Like tears in the rain or farts in the wind, our memories fade as we slog on through life.​ All the places I had fun in my youth are gone and the hashers of my generation are now gone, but once we were here...

​ Boo hoo! Make the most of it while you can! I prefer to live by the more optimistic [albeit a tad creepy if you remember the character's sexual undertones] motto of "...I get older and they stay the same age..." I may be getting older, but tons of new hashers and bars are popping up every day! Who knows what great times might be had with new friends just around the corner!?! 

Rage against the dying of the light! ​You never know where trail might take you or when a classic hash bar might close before it's time. Make the most of the time you have now. The forecast was for lightning and thunderstorms all night, but the night's trail was able skip it all with hardly a raindrop.

I'm starting to sober up so I'll get off my soapbox and continue with my recounting of the trail as best as I can remember it.  

The Beer Near came before the Shot Near and was under some shadowy railroad tracks near a couple locals. As is custom the hashers thanked these folks for their company with a few bottles of suds.

The trail was a fast one. The Shot Near took place in a parking lot with a view of Center City and the thunder and lightning that was just about to start. As we finished the shots, lightning arched across the sky and illuminated the entire cityscape. "That was wicked big!" - said SnF, and retorted to himself ..."is what she never said!"

After trail, people recounted the various ways they debauched these bars and tried to outdo one another with retellings of all manner of depravity.

There was the time Where's My D got naked and flashed the entire bar via the CCTV system at Drinkers to make amends for smashing some DJ equipment.

Jewels of Duh Nile told us about how they would make mixed drinks using Huggies at Drinker's. This is made using Little Hug Fruit Barrel Juice Drinks [I had to look this one up or I'd never have been able to fall asleep with the image of people pouring shots and a mixer into a child's diaper and then trying to drink the final product]

The siren call of the circle made a virgin come while we were singing a floor above her. Just Leanne joined us for a few rounds of accusations and gave as many as she got.

Quoted Quotables

Strawberry Shartcake - "I remember I said I was going to do a trail from my favorite bar, but then they told me it was switched while I was in the ER."

Where's my D - "Hope you all got soaked and wet on trail."

MeeShrub You Long Time accused Shop N Fuck for confusing  Uranus with a black hole.

Everything Butt Sex, "Hash Hush!" Circle- "You're not my real dad!"

On After
The hashers went over to Love City Brewery to watch the home bird team beat the inferior Atlanta bird team. Go Birds!

​​Not In My Hair
Where’s My D
Shop and Fuck 
Roller Girl/Daddy May I Pun
Groundhog Lay
Strawberry Shartcake
OPP- Other People’s Pussy
DSP- Desperately Seeking Pussy
Statutory Consent- Hare
Me Shrub You Long Time- Hare
Just Joey
Just Justin
Just James traveling
Pimpin Long Stockings
Magically Delicious-Transplant

So there we were, meeting again on another spectacular night. Why was it spectacular? Cause Thursday is a Hashing day!!!! Was everybody happy? You bet your ass we were!!!! 
It was a semi-humid night and School is starting again. So what better way to celebrate such an occasion then a toga themed hash running through Penn's campus hared by our favorite gingerbread Statutory Consent and our 80’s bush Me Shrub You Long Time. The pack met at Gojjo’s bar were we quickly stripped ourselves of all our muggle clothes and dawned our stained bedsheets. Awaiting for our traveling halfminds from a land far far away, we continued to hydrate ourselves with much needed booze (cause who wants to do this sober) preparing for the hot night ahead of us. Shop and Fuck is talking to muggles trying to get new members for our cult... I mean drinking group (cough cough;) handing out business cards while Roller Girl is spreading fake news to Where’s my D which of course she believed. Upon our visitor’s arrival Shop announces chalk talk and we all circle up outside to introduce our travels Pimpin Long Stockings and Just James as well as circle virgins Just Shanice, Just Charity and Groundhog’s virgin that I didn't write revel in the marks that may be on trail. Once explanations were done On-Out was called and we were off looking for marks. Trail was shitty of course and the pack got misplaced multiple times due to drunken circumstances. OPP was one of these offenders looking for lost pussy(cats) instead of trail. Where’s my D checked one check and after coming back with no marks gave up and said I did my part for this evening. Finally following trail we come to a SN which a few ran past because our hares did not place marks. At the SN roller girl was commended for keeping all her clothes despite how humid it was and that her mustache was sweaty (her words), while DSP abandoned the toga altogether. After the suspicious liquid was drank we continued our search for marks. On our way out Shop and fuck and Where’s my D bonded over how sweaty they were, but then lamented on the fact that none of them could ever sleep together since it would be like a slip in slide ending with someone getting hurt. It was at this point that trail got blurry. After reaching Penn's campus we all gathered at a song check and sang a magnificent “Incest Time in Texas” that made all the heads turn, pondering WTF is going on? Finally moving away from the campus our sweeper abandoned his post and disappeared and our pack split into 2 groups (not intentionally). We all finally meet at the next SN and made quick work of the drink since it was getting late. After much deliberation on where the marks led we finally found marks which headed towards the BN. BN was placed at a park that I shall dub D’s Sex Playground which she was more than happy to share with the rest of us. We did a little chicken dance orchestrated by Magically delicious then we were back to the bar for On-In.

Closing circle/ Funny comments

Statutory Consent remembers when she used to call 60k9, Sexy K9 and who can blame her. 
 
Magically Delicious face fucked Ben Franklin 

Statutory Consent and Me Shrub You Long Time drank for their shitty trail

Shop and Fuck apparently only knows 4 names that start with J

Roller Girl for wearing a Shiggy on her head

OPP gets called in for not knowing his East from West (IDK either)

Pounded in the Can and Rubber Ripper drink for Auto Hashing

Pounded also came with a gaggle of virgins but we were only able to sacrifice 2

Non-togas, Birthdays, and Visitors

DSP wasn't happy that she touched no no squares

To end the night our sexy Greek asked Roller Girl down on her knees so that we may begin the interrogation to determine her new BFM HASH NAME!!!!! So, after many good but mostly bad suggestions I give you Daddy, May I Pun!!!!!!

Submitted by Me Shrub You Long Time

            Oh my god! Yes, Yes, YESSSSS!!!!!!

Fellow half-minds, the ABC trail can only be described as a love fest…an orgy of chalk and flour with a wave of bodies crashing upon center city Philly to leave the local muggles awe-stricken and the hares and hounds rolling in their oxytocin fueled delight.  It’s hard (so hard) to say when the event stopped, as for some the magic carried through to the next day, but I’ll start at the beginning.

            Our hares for this amazing journey were none other than Slothy Seconds and Silence of the Goats and there had been rumor of a sinister concoction spoken of only in whispers…”twinkle juice”.   The pack was expecting an interesting night to say the least as they began to assemble in a private back room of Cav’s.  This my friends is where things got “different”.  Our normal attendees were stripping themselves of their muggle disguises and transforming to true form in any attire that did not resemble clothing.  Our fearless leader Shop N’ Fuck fashioned a tunic from bamboo placemats.  Silence of the Goats transformed into the embodiment of “race-ism” with ”69” runner numbers.  Sex Toys For Tots found additional use for a dog food bag.  Jewels Of Denile was determining whether one layer of shower curtain or two was needed to properly mask his manhood, as Statutory Consent took scissors to another shower curtain to fashion a very short poncho and belt.  (Shop remarked that it may end up a little slutty and Statutory was pleased.)  Judge Doody appeared to have either just stepped from the shower or the Hitchhiker’s Guide wearing towels and ready for anything.  Everything Butt Sex, regally draped in blanket and wicker lampshade, proudly displayed his thrift shopping prowess.  Blew Men In Groups brought the party game Twister to life with special attention to the blue circles of course.  Me Shrub You Long Time arrived with a suitcase that was not containing “not clothes”, but did quickly contain Shrub himself, sans shorts.  Visitor Dribbles Before He Shoots managed to find appropriate holes in a laundry bag which coincidently was the same laundry bag that Assassination found useful holes in.  Not to be out “matched” visitors Glitterous and Parks & Masturbation arrived in coordinated beach bag attire, while Groundhog Lay affixed two pillow pets fore and aft of his pelvis (more later on where those pelvis pets ended up).  Some of our hounds unfortunately wore actual clothes and are so shamefully listed here: Cuff Me The Vampire Player, Where’s My D, and Just Mike.  Two virgins, Just Andrew and Just Maggie, joined us at the pre-lube and were enticed to stick around for the fun.  Don’t fret if you missed your name here.  Some hounds came later and some came after; but all who wanted to come definitely came.
           
            Foreplay, dear hashers, is fundamental and the pack was sufficiently pre-lubed from the soft whispers and light petting of Cav’s back room.  The muggles marveled at our lack of clothes as we walked through the bar to the street where, because we were now disrobed, Shop had promised to perform oral (chalk talk) on all of us.  He’s so generous!  We all met our virgins and discovered the internet made Just Andrew come who in turn made Just Maggie come.  Shop’s tongue worked it’s magic and we were all enthralled by the white substance and edged toward the true trail.  No release yet you excited hounds, there is trail to be had and with the “on-out” the pack was off and running.  (As I started off I noticed an odd single purple nitrile glove on the ground…someone had brought protection.)  The trail was a delight of hashers bodies and various housewares moving down the streets; in and out, in and out, in and out, of muggle foot traffic.  The pack came to checks, they came to marks, and they called “ON-ON” so all the others could come too.  It was an exuberant symphony of movement.  At one point the pack encountered a family of German tourists of whom the patriarch had heard of a hash run, but wouldn’t bring his brood along (so he had probably heard correctly).  The pack continued to Rittenhouse Square where they regaled the locals with a musical story of familiar lineage and transmissions (that’s a tranny right?).  Searching for additional marks we were led to a long straight down Pine street to a park at 24thstreet where the infamous shot was waiting.  We also discovered the protection minded hasher was none other than Slothy Seconds who wore a “no glove, no love” dress which fortunately had plenty of gloves to go around.

            This is where the shot “twinkle juice” enters our tale and the trail took a figurative turn, towards epic!  The juice itself contains milk, chocolate syrup, and apparently some grain alcohol and unicorn cum because it was potent and magically delicious.  Late comers Roller Girl and Not In My Hair arrived dressed in matching pink and leopard print duct tape kilts.  The only difference being NIMH was topless and Roller Girl had a duct tape tube top to contain her bosom, which Where’s My D used to hold and distribute her serving of “twinkle juice”.  They had also brought Just Justin who MacGyvered up a blue tarp toga to partake in the night’s theme.  The shot near was eventful and a welcome lull from the hard pounding action of the checking…we all needed to replace some fluids.  Dribbles revealed he has a hasher son named Amber Bait who would be a perfect match for the fiery haired Statutory Consent especially considering the fabricated sexual preference for which she is named and the age of said son.  Needles to say, she was intrigued by the idea and moistened by… the evening’s humidity.  Shop and Shrub both became canvases for trail appropriate chalk art, and Sex Toys sat on a turtle and caressed a bear thus showing he is a true animal lover.  The pack managed to finish the THREE jugs of “twinkle juice” and started back off on trail while Statutory remarked “I’m drunk, all of a sudden.”

            Rejuvenated by the juice and once again full of vigor the pack ran again, lithe bodies glistening in the night’s illumination.  We came upon a very large bird bath (fountain) in which some of the hottest hounds cooled their heads, we sang a song I didn’t write down, and we encountered a hasher from another kennel (LVH3?) who decided she would rather eat fro-yo than subject her friends to our big fucking mess.  The pack set off again and shortly came, yes again we came (sooo good), upon a playground where many stopped to enjoy slippery slides and suspended swings.  Little did we know that just beyond that frivolity lay the beer near and some were already relishing in the nourishment of our favorite drink.   The park in which the beer hid was well known to our kennel.  It was there that Where’s My D lost herself to the dogs and Blew Men In Groups was recently named, so very appropriately both ladies proceeded to invade the dog run area and molest all the puppies.  The invasion was not one sided though as the dogs sent an actual hound (picture Trusty from Lady & The Tramp) to investigate Sex Toy’s kibbles and bits.  Roller Girl, very amused at her duct tape creation, reminded us of the method by which she served Where’s My D her shots and proved to effectively do the same with canned beer much to the refreshment of Sex Toys and Shrub.  The hot night made the cold drink disappear rather quickly and we knew the only place for more to be had was the on-in so once again the pack was off.  Along the trail Just Maggie revealed that she was indeed having so much fun her cheeks hurt (odd that I didn’t remember a slap check).  We returned to Cav’s with endorphins gushing, muggles bemusing, and thirst growing.  While circle beers were being poured Parks & Masturbation admitted she had forgone her beach bag “one mile deep” due to chafing, Dribbles said to Shop “I came because of you” and Shop replied “You can put it in my ass anytime.”  Some of our kennel came very late, but again we are happy that they came at all. 60 K9, Three Way Stop, and Emo Kid were all present for circle but unfortunately wore actual clothes.
 
We apologize for the length and tone of this trash.  Those responsible have been sacked.  Recording of circle was done at the last minute, in a completely different style, and at great expense.
           
Assass accused someone (probably Silence of the Goats) for race-ist attire.

Sex Toys accused Dribble of looking homeless in laundry bag and confusing people.
            And when one matchy-matchy drinks… (so Assass also drank).

Sex Toys accused Shop of actual clothing aka 16th century Samurai.

Shop accused the gingers of soulless-ness.

Where’s My D - …didn’t like (?).

Not In My Hair - something about pics in circle.

Groundhog Lay accused Where’s My D of going after all the puppies (including the one on his ass?).

Shop accused Where’s My Sex Playground of “all greens make everyone wet.”(?)
            Buttsex rebutted “not all greens”.(?)

Shrub commended Cause For Blindness(even in her absence) of having the creepiest rendition of “I fucked a dead whore”.

Sex Toys accused Shop of “I wear my sunglasses at night”.

Blew Men accused Shrub of the cum on his suitcase.

Groundhog Lay – drink everyday but two (?)

Shop accused Three Way of being way too fancy.

Silence of the Goats was accused of not mentioning Mayor’s Cup, so she promptly mentioned Mayor’s Cup.

Somebody referred to Slothy’s dress saying “Please do not wash your condoms and reuse them”.

Virgin Andrew accused all of seducing him to the dark side, and he approved. “Initial impression you are all idiots, but I love you.”

The auto hashers were accused of missing all the fun.

Sex Playground accused Roller Girl of making a kilt but not treating it like a real kilt. 😉

Sex Toys accused Slothy of looking like a German shepherd puppy with one ear up and one down.
            There were puppy jokes for a while.

Assass accused Slothy of losing parts of her glove dress along trail.

Slothy and Goats cheered for anarchy in the hash.

Assass accused Shop, “Shop stood up and I thought a table fell over”.

Judge Doody remarked ”We got a taste of SlothyGoats! We want more!”

The hares were accused/commended for shitty trail/amazing outfits. #nailedit

The virgins were commended of choosing the Anything But Clothes trail for their first. =No Clothes Win

Two new virgins were introduced. Just Kurt and Just Rob: SlothyGoats made them come.

Slothy/Goats 2016!!!
            “We couldn’t resell these patches” (SexToys?)
                        It’s a Slothy Goats hash!!

Shop commended the Sloth Goat guest RAs “You make it look easy”.

Jewels – Something about twinkle juice!

Slothy accused Just Kurt of claiming to have run with the Fishtown “hashers”. (No such thing!)
            Much booing from the pack.
Groundhog accused Slothy of bullying virgins.

Sex Toys accused Just Kurt- something fallout boy. (?)

Shop accused Sex Toys of something about a lie regarding the fallout boy accusation.

Just Maggie accused Just Andrew of making her come to such craziness, but she loved it!

Sex Toys remarked “after we sucked a wad out!”

Announcements: MAYORS CUP!! (shocking) and 10/26/18 Philly Full Moon Hash (Rocky Horror Picture Show)
 
We apologize again for this new style of trash.  Those responsible have also been sacked and the original hired back on at even greater expense.
 
            Circle was a wet hot mess of action, emotion, comedy, love, laughter, some clothing, and a lot of not clothing.  The events of the evening dwindled and some hares shuffled off presumably for a post hash-coital smoke, some stayed to converse with dear friends, and some made their way to the bar to continue into the night.  One thing common to all the pack at that point was they had shared an energetic release.  The endorphins produced by our hashy love-fest rushed into all our blood streams, mixed with twinkle juice, and raced back to our hearts in the most wonderful and warming way.  Some of our kennel were so emotionally moved that they felt the freedom to share those feelings with us and write love letters to the BFM.  One hasher awoke on an unknown couch while clutching a Groundhog “pelvis pet” in safety and comfort because the kennel had taken care of them.  (Another hasher took the other “pelvis pet” home to be washed.)  A visitor was so enamored that they barely made their flight home, but made it they did.  We certainly all felt the rush of the twinkle juice powered, anything but clothes, hash orgy.  But, moreover my dear hashers, many of us felt a long lasting warmness after the hormones subside that is the difference between hash-gasm and hash-love. 

BFM is now the Marvin Gaye of kennels so “Let’s get it on-on. Let’s love, baby.”

BFM Hash #753: A Farewell to Baaa!-rms
 
Dearest Baaa!,
            As I sit here petting my pussy (cat), I think about all the great times we’ve shared together. Your RAing skills, including songs new and old, have brought a new, yet traditional aura to the hash this year and will be missed.  You may be leaving us, but the drunken memories (and lack there of) will last a lifetime. Drunken memories are always the hardest to recall….
 
Let’s begin with the most recent of your SHITTY trails:
 
Hares: Baaa! Ram Him and Tits of Steel
 
Virgins:
Just Taylor (Baaa! Ram Him)
Just Alex (Statch)
Just Jessie (Internet)
Just Collin (3 Balls)
Just Rebecca (Jewels)
 
Visitors:
Just Derek
Jiggaly Tits
Bitch Tits
T-Blowner
Fuck-A-Sore-Ass
 
The Mobsters:
Roller girl
Slothy Seconds
Cause For Blindness
Rubber Ripper
Pounded In The Can
60k9
May I Cum On Ya
Orgy Cyle
Thud Muffin
OPP
DSP
Me Shub You Long Time
3 Balls
3 Balls daugher
Groundhog Lay
Strawberry Shartcake
Jewels
Under The Gaydar
Casting Couch
Statch
Bitch Shots
Pantyphile
Just Jenny
Condom Fuck Sister
 
Auto Hashers:
Not In My Hair
“The woman with the nice clothes”
 
 
Trail:
Meet up was in the parking lot of Walnut Lane Golf Club connviently located next to Chubbies and Delesandros.  Is there a better way to say farewell to Philly than with a beer and a cheesteak?!  Beers were drank, chalk talk was had, and we were on our way!
 
Trail began with a quick decent down some shady ass stairs into the Wissahickon. After one song check which was led by visitor Jiggaly Tits, we were crossing some shiggy….the "I wish I grabbed a plastic baggy at chalk talk" kind of shiggy… the “up to Cause’s lady bits” (Quoted from Rubber Ripper) kind of shiggy…the damn, I should have brought a dry bag kind of shiggy… the yup, wet kind of shiggy.  After crossing and climbing up a dramatic incline the pack patiently waited at the following song check for the stranglers to arrive/survive.  Lets take this time now to give a round of applause for Slothy, T-Blowner, Rubber Ripper, and Goundhog Lay for rounding up the DFL  *cough cough Cause cough cough * .  The only thing saving Cause from the death stares of the pack was her beautifully sung rendition of “I effed a dead wh*re by the roadside” at the song check.  Back on our way we crossed another song check led by one of our LVH3 visitors (shout out to Bitch Tits, T-Blowner, Fuck-A-Sore-Ass (I forget who it was))….This hare likes song checks, he must be an RA or something. Back onto trail and I see a halfmind running strait at me.. nope, past me. 60k9, are you lost? Nope. Just a J check. Sucks to be fast.
 
At this point in time we are nearing the BN. At this point in time it also would have been nice to read the trail description. More shiggy, including a long lost tunnel for Eagles and a nice little hop skip and a jump around it for Turkeys.  Didn’t bring a headlamp? Good thing Thud Muffin’s could light the way to H5 and back without any problems.  Shorly after, BEER! YAY!
 
BNs are great because there's beer, there's friends, and there's chatting, and there's smiling. And this is what hashing is all about!
 
Back on trail, we come across another J check. This time it is Rubber Ripper to Thud Muffin.  The rest of the pack continued to the next song check where Condum Fuck Sister and Roller Girl found the ugliest looking bugs I have ever seen. Roller Girl coined the term “Sprickets” for these nasty little buggers and may have taken one home as a pet, I’m not really sure. At this song check Orgy Cycle showed us how to ride a construction worker- errr I mean construction vehicle- and Groundhog Lay showed off his brand new trail treasure, a child's plastic shovel, which would later come in handy. Just as we were making our way back onto trail we spotted Pantyphile’s doppleganger.  No, not a drunk American Eagle model, just a look-alike.
 
Next, the shot stop. Where we drank out of shoes just as Baa! did on his very first BFM trail.  The strawberry margaritas and red wine were much appreciated.  On our way to the on-in we encountered more shiggy in the form of horse poop, as well as one final song check. This was a special song check because the dreaded trail treasure shovel was in full force.  Last one to get slapped in the ass by the trail treasure, drinks out of the trail treasure. Bitch Tits slapped Jewels who slapped Condum Fuck Sister who eventually slapped Pantyphile.  The pack made its way to Casting Couche’s backyard where the beer and orange food was plentyfull.  RA and hare Baaa! Ram Him led circle for the last time with Ben Franklin Mob *sniff sniff *
 
 
Circle:
Visitors: Body parts and a song from Rougue North/Buff Stuff/Everyday is Wednesday H3
 
Virgins:
RIP just Alex (Statutory Consent)
RIP Just Rebecca (Jewels)
 
First in, Last in:
Rubber Ripper (first)
Cause, DSP, Thud (last)
 
Cums latelys:
-A LOT.
 
Accusations: (This is all I wrote down, I got lazy)
 
Groundhog lay: Baaa! Ram Him drinks out of his shoe because he did at his first hash
 
Thud Muffin: Jewels and Statch because “we know what you did to your virgins”
 
CFS: Pantyphile drinks out of the shovel for being the bearer of the shovel
 
Baa!: Statch for not knowing how to put on socks
 
Baa!: Rubber Ripper for his prison hair cut
 
CFS: Baaa! for mistaking RR’s hair cut for a prison hair cut when its just male pattern baldness
 
Casting Couch: Social (YAY!)
 
 
Announcements:
 
MAYORS CUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
 
 
Baaa!, We thank you for your service as an RA with the Ben Franklin Mob. The sounds of your voice echoing "RU" through the streets of Philadelphia will be missed dearly.  Much love and luck on your next hashy adventure in D.C. They don’t know what theye’ve gotten themselves into.
 
On-On,
Pounded In the Can

By: Cuff Me the Vampire Player

July 5, 2018
Location: guppies (aka. Satan's armpit)
Hares: Spare my Finger & AssAssination
What: BFM #751

Hashers:
Just Megan
Just Reggie
Bas Ram Him
May I Cum on Ya
Slothy Seconds
Shop N' Fuck
Tits of Steel
Cuff Me the Vampire Player
International House of Virgins
Seaman on the Poopdeck
Sex Toys for Tots
Condum Fuck Sister (???)

Let me start by saying our fearless Hareraiser finally did something right- bringing us back to the best neighborhood in Philly. But, despite the many options of South Philly, somehow managed to pick the one bar with no air conditioning? And so began the sweatiest night of my life involving clothed people.

We circled up so Baa Ram Him could walk our brave virgins Just Megan and Just Reggie through the signs of the night (with some "helpful" suggestions from Slothy Seconds) and we were on-out.

Well, until we got lost, immediately. But worry not, we finally found a mark and we were off. This sweaty, long trail brought us by many historic Philly sites- which was apparently a little confusing for some Hashers who might need to explore their home city? Also a fountain which Tits of Steel zeroed in on and didn't even pause before climbing into, to the bemused horror of the park-goers. And finally the trail split, turkeys to the right.

Turkey trail:
Honestly, a little unclear who it was... But there were four of us! I want to say Sex Toys for Tots, Seaman on the Poopdeck, and international House of Virgins, but if I'm wrong about that, too bad. This shit is official.

Regardless, our trail was fairly uneventful as these three were so sure they knew where the BN was... enter us completely ignoring trail and walking to some fancy building (y'all, there was security). After being turned away by security (guessing it was the jorts) we continued to wander. International House of Virgins and Seaman on the Poopdeck eventually abandoned us and by some miracle we did manage to wander upon the BN and our lovely hares, Spare my Finger and AssAssination.

Eagle trail:
I wasn't there, but from what I can tell, it went something like this (see pictures below)

Together again:
Eventually everyone trickled into the BN where we all cooled down with some beers, champagne, and ice pops. Slothy Seconds led the group in a heated debate of Prince Vs. Michael Jackson while Shop n' Fuck basked in the many 'compliments' on his jorts. But the heat was real and the group proceeded on-in with what I will refer to as an enthusiastic amble.

Back at the bar (which was somehow hotter, literally the floor was sweating) the remaining Hashers circled up. One of the three autohashers (I blame the beer, the notes are getting questionable over here) was called out for inviting Just Megan to her virgin hash and then not actually showing up for the hash? All the none jort wearers were also called out for their attire at one of the chafe-iest themes of the hash. And... a bunch of others I didn't record/ can't read.
Seriously- who let me be an on-sec?edit.