It was a special treat that brought the slobbering hounds out to South Philadelphia for the first trail of a new month, and it had nothing to do with the return of the second laziest on-sec from Mis-Man 2019. No, my lovely harriers and harriettes, the draw was from promise of a trail to be hared by our very own (and reliably slow) Cause for Blindness! In a precursor to International Women’s Day, she set upon the streets to flex her prowess and prove that neither gender nor age can constrict such a “queen of hashing” (accompanied by her helpful Knight of the Pound Table) from laying us all to waste with flour a plenty.
Not only were your regular cast of characters such as Cuff Me the Vampire Player, 60K9, Poly Pocket, and Not In My Hair enticed to cum, but a few visitors as well. Gulliver’s Tranny and Hare Today Cum Tomorrow both made their way out from the chocolate scented hills of H5, Just Jackie trekked the tremendous distance from GrittyH3, and Cuff Me aroused a virgin (Just Chris) to venture a taste of our antics. As the pack collected on the second floor we saw the likes of Everything Butt Sex, Groundhog Lay, AssAssInNation, MeShrubYou Longtime, Sergeant Snatch Snitch, Wheels on the Bus Go Down Down Down, Nibbles A Clit, Main Line Bukkake, The Angry Inch, Tinkle Belle, Jug Stain and Just Christine. A few pre-lubed with beer (though none were drinking Coronas), and the bravest embraced each other in the way of hasher greetings. There may have been more, there may have been less, and there may have been some who need not be named…counting is hard and hugs are easy so some were clearly preoccupied.
The hares set off a little early and this trail began like most others with a description of the marks. The floured alphabet was nearly as legible as Cause’s accusations are coherent and it drove a cuneiform pun out of one of the more educated of us (they must have a three-quarter mind!). Groundhog Lay bunny hopped about the marks and explained the best he could to the newly identified visitors and virgin. The murmurings of a short and shitty trail emanated from the pack and we were quickly on-out to discover trail was not what we had expected.
Moving south one block, trail then turned west through some Philly shiggy (CAR!) and we quickly came to a song check. It seems that our hare was nervous of getting caught and rapidly brought us all close so EBS could lead a few verses of “El Camino”. The excitement of the night’s venture really needs to be experienced in person. The warming air of an approaching spring fills our lungs and the padding of our hounds down streets, through alleys, and into parks is our rhythm of the night punctuated by interesting sights. Notable happenings were the pack giving a wide berth to our very own coughing Bukakke, Groundhog discovering an enchanting deep blue sea set into a basement window and later remarking about heat therapy to cure koala-mydia, Wheels stopping to admire a pussy, some uncoordinated group butt stuff, Sarge finding an ambulance that surprisingly did not yield the hare, and an additional six song checks. Yes…six…more…song checks. Our trail RA that night was remarkable and managed all resources to fill the air with melodic musings. We sang of team work, and Poly’s description of some sex on trail inspired our “favorite things”. In Hawthorne Park an empty Modelo can mocked our growing thirst and EBS egged us on to continue our “B-EE-RR-U-N, beer run”. Soon after we sounded off about a soldier’s duty, a fondness of fun in the kitchen, and simply AAAAAAAA! The hounds were now drooling over the thought of liquid sustenance. Hare Today Cum Tomorrow remarked that our hare ought to be named “Cause for Thirstiness” and Shrub contemplated that the night’s trail might be just drier than Cause’s wit. Alas, the pack pressed on for there is no quicker a route to beer than to solve the marks and find trail true.
Cause may be a fan of “North by Northwest”. Perhaps is it the film’s prevalence in her formative years, the moistening inspiration of Cary Grant’s striking features, a fondness for all things Hitchcock, or a shared lust for adventure. But whatever it be, may also be driven by a desire to go down (possibly on a sailor or two), because the pack found that all marks led south and west in turn until we struck a wall at the naval yard…south by southwest of our originating point. Our intense thirst turned to resourcefulness and we made short work of the remainder of trail to quickly arrive at the BN…a bar known as Callaghan’s which has nothing to do with brake pads or sales trips. Inside the bar the most physical of us such as Jug Stain (who seems to find trail by either a sixth sense or sheer force of will) and Main Line were already sharing refreshment with both the hares and Diltdo Dragons (who is far smarter than we are fast). Camaraderie and revelry are corner stones of the hash and a BN is the perfect chance to chat and catch up with friends and fellow hashers.
The night was short and there was more trail to be had, so the hares reminded us that there was still a SN to find and outed themselves from the bar. We continued to enjoy the end of the beer and having given enough time to ensure another many song checks we left to regain the scent of our hares once more, anticipating that we would be led back in the direction from whence we came. What fools we were The arrow showed further west and led directly around the corner to a secluded pull-out where Knights was loyally guarding the SN while Cause laid the remainder of trail. Trotting up, Shrub voiced concern that we had given them so much time and Knights must have been sitting out here in the cold for 20 minutes. No sooner had the word passed his lips than our gallant armored champion remarked “I’ve been out her for 20 minutes!” We passed around flagons of whiskey and fruity pebbles vodka knowing that no microorganism was safe from the proofed alcohol, and watched as some of the previously unmentioned trail phalluses came together to form an immense chalk member akin to either Voltron or the Power Rangers (depending on the viewers age and level of nerdiness). The remainder of trail went by quickly, but more so for some than others. Fortunately, all the hounds found their way back to the start where they also found Just Ali and Two Beds-One Nightmare who had cum late, but at least they came at all.
Circle was kicked off with commending Knights for his chivalry in accompanying Cause to keep the grim reaper at bay and then the regular observances of hares, first/last in, our virgin, auto-hashers and comes lately(s). Regarding visitors, we lost Hare Today, but gained Just Jackie who flexed her musical seat to much delight and Gulliver’s Tranny sang for us of why he was born so beautiful. Accusations a plenty satiated the packs grievances and thirst. Half-minds were called out for use of nerd names, sitting in circle, marking trail, and defiling cups. We discovered that Sarge can’t spell, Wheels is overly generous with the use of beads, and somebody marked trail with a bunch of dicks. 60K9’s birthday was celebrated with a compulsory side-side and circle closed to bring our night to the beginning of the end. This new hash year of the BFM is shaping up to be a glorious one and the early spring also brings brighter evenings to find the marks and chase the hares. Cum out dear hashers and be a part of the revelry for it is the hare that makes the trail, but the pack that makes it exciting.