2019: The year we got Layed
Grand Master (Lead Instigator)
Groundhog Lay
Groundhog Lay is the 69th GM for the Ben Franklin Mob.
His story is the American story — values from the heartland, a middle-class upbringing in a strong family, hard work and education as the means of getting ahead, and the conviction that a life so blessed should be lived in service to others. With a father from Kenya and a mother from Kansas, he was raised with help from his grandfather, who served in Patton's army, and his grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle management at a bank. After working his way through college with the help of scholarships and student loans, Groundhog Lay moved to Chicago, where he worked to help rebuild communities devastated by the closure of local steel plants.
He went on to attend law school, where he became the first harrier president of the Harvard Law Review. Upon graduation, he returned to Chicago, but don't work there anymore and, like Ben Franklin himself, went to Philadelphia where he was initial born, then raised and, later, on the playground, spent most of his days leading a voter registration drive and teaching hashing to muggles in the community.
He was elected the 69th GM of the Mob on February 7, 2019. He is a hash daddy many times over and is the actual, real life, totally-not-made-up father of Tickets.
Groundhog Lay's years of hashing are based around his unwavering belief in the ability to unite people around drinking (and occasionally running) with purpose. As a hasher, he reached across the aisle to pass groundbreaking lobbying reform, lock up the world's most dangerous weapons, and bring transparency to mismanagement.
Groundhog Lay is the 69th GM for the Ben Franklin Mob.
His story is the American story — values from the heartland, a middle-class upbringing in a strong family, hard work and education as the means of getting ahead, and the conviction that a life so blessed should be lived in service to others. With a father from Kenya and a mother from Kansas, he was raised with help from his grandfather, who served in Patton's army, and his grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle management at a bank. After working his way through college with the help of scholarships and student loans, Groundhog Lay moved to Chicago, where he worked to help rebuild communities devastated by the closure of local steel plants.
He went on to attend law school, where he became the first harrier president of the Harvard Law Review. Upon graduation, he returned to Chicago, but don't work there anymore and, like Ben Franklin himself, went to Philadelphia where he was initial born, then raised and, later, on the playground, spent most of his days leading a voter registration drive and teaching hashing to muggles in the community.
He was elected the 69th GM of the Mob on February 7, 2019. He is a hash daddy many times over and is the actual, real life, totally-not-made-up father of Tickets.
Groundhog Lay's years of hashing are based around his unwavering belief in the ability to unite people around drinking (and occasionally running) with purpose. As a hasher, he reached across the aisle to pass groundbreaking lobbying reform, lock up the world's most dangerous weapons, and bring transparency to mismanagement.
Religious Advisors (Everyday Instigators)
Everything Butt Sex
In perhaps the most bait-and-switch hashing origin story of all time, I was introduced to hashing and the BFM by someone who brought me to one hash before promptly moving one time zone over.
Nevertheless, I persisted.
In perhaps the most bait-and-switch hashing origin story of all time, I was introduced to hashing and the BFM by someone who brought me to one hash before promptly moving one time zone over.
Nevertheless, I persisted.
Me Shrub You Long Time
Me Shrub You Long Time began hashing a few years ago while travelling and was immediately hooked. He bounced around with a couple kennels, loving the trails and enjoying the different faces. The road is a sweet and fickle mistress, but Shrub (as he is affectionately known) found something meaningful in the Ben Franklin Mob. Elated and honored to be a Religious Advisor, he looks forward to giving back to the kennel that took him in, gave him a name, and taught him how all the marks and checks really lead to people in the end. It is the people that make BFM and the infectious spirit they bring that makes the BFM great. This is a love train, so make sure you get ON-ON and ride with us!
Me Shrub You Long Time began hashing a few years ago while travelling and was immediately hooked. He bounced around with a couple kennels, loving the trails and enjoying the different faces. The road is a sweet and fickle mistress, but Shrub (as he is affectionately known) found something meaningful in the Ben Franklin Mob. Elated and honored to be a Religious Advisor, he looks forward to giving back to the kennel that took him in, gave him a name, and taught him how all the marks and checks really lead to people in the end. It is the people that make BFM and the infectious spirit they bring that makes the BFM great. This is a love train, so make sure you get ON-ON and ride with us!
On Secs (Witnesses for the Prosecution)
Jewel of the Nile
HII YA WANKS!!!! I’m Jewels Of Duh Nile, one of the many exaggerators that make up On-Sec. It’s my job to tell what the hell happened last night since everyone will likely forget (including me) since we will be drinking and having a wonderful time together. I love giving and receiving hugs and the more shots the better. Lets make memories.
HII YA WANKS!!!! I’m Jewels Of Duh Nile, one of the many exaggerators that make up On-Sec. It’s my job to tell what the hell happened last night since everyone will likely forget (including me) since we will be drinking and having a wonderful time together. I love giving and receiving hugs and the more shots the better. Lets make memories.
Knights Of The Pound Table
He made himself cum to his first ever trail (what else is new). Proceeded to black-out on said trail with these random group of weirdos and has never looked back. His duty as On-Sec now requires him to stay somewhat coherent to tell a half-true version of what happens on trail. He's an introvert by nature, but give him a (s)Long Island and he will tell you anything and everything you may inquire.. or he may end up running off into the night with a handsome fella that so much as breathes in his direction. Acceptable hash behavior. He's not sorry.
All in all, this group of misfits will make you feel like you belong and will bring forth your inner free-spirit (barfff).
He made himself cum to his first ever trail (what else is new). Proceeded to black-out on said trail with these random group of weirdos and has never looked back. His duty as On-Sec now requires him to stay somewhat coherent to tell a half-true version of what happens on trail. He's an introvert by nature, but give him a (s)Long Island and he will tell you anything and everything you may inquire.. or he may end up running off into the night with a handsome fella that so much as breathes in his direction. Acceptable hash behavior. He's not sorry.
All in all, this group of misfits will make you feel like you belong and will bring forth your inner free-spirit (barfff).
May I Cum On Ya
MICOY [or May I Cum on Ya if you're not into the whole brevity thing, man] is a transplanted hasher that has taken root in the BFM. Like a fungus, given time he'll grow on ya. He's a silver tongued soothsayer, a sin-eater, and a sycophant. He's usually a pretty quiet, yet jovial fellow that can be spotted scribbling notes in his Hash Journal for the next Hash Trash. With enough booze coursing through his veins he can gild your lily or in a pinch write you a poetic benediction. Expect esoteric references, puns, alliteration and bald faced lies when he's On Sec [maybe some sappy horseshit while he's at it too] . Sneak him a drink or seven and he'll embellish whatever story you'd like him to tell [like in a Knight's Tale only without the crippling gambling addiction].
MICOY [or May I Cum on Ya if you're not into the whole brevity thing, man] is a transplanted hasher that has taken root in the BFM. Like a fungus, given time he'll grow on ya. He's a silver tongued soothsayer, a sin-eater, and a sycophant. He's usually a pretty quiet, yet jovial fellow that can be spotted scribbling notes in his Hash Journal for the next Hash Trash. With enough booze coursing through his veins he can gild your lily or in a pinch write you a poetic benediction. Expect esoteric references, puns, alliteration and bald faced lies when he's On Sec [maybe some sappy horseshit while he's at it too] . Sneak him a drink or seven and he'll embellish whatever story you'd like him to tell [like in a Knight's Tale only without the crippling gambling addiction].
Me Shrub You Long Time
See the mushy stuff I wrote under RA.
See the mushy stuff I wrote under RA.
Shop & Fuck
Blah blah blah...clever words...yada yada yada...witty musings...on and on and on...thought provoking prose...and so on.
Blah blah blah...clever words...yada yada yada...witty musings...on and on and on...thought provoking prose...and so on.
Slothy Seconds
Slothy definitely should be writing a dissertation instead of hash trash. And yet here we are. Slow means slow.
Slothy definitely should be writing a dissertation instead of hash trash. And yet here we are. Slow means slow.
Taco? I Barely Know Her
It's Taco.
It's Taco.
Hash Flash (Curator of Evidence)
Statutory Consent
Statutory Consent signed up for Hash Flash under the impression that it just required on demand titty flashing. Works in “adult education”, although apparent in her name is more favored among the younger crowd. Can most likely be found acting as third wheel with Pounded in the Can and Rubber Ripper… or blacked out… or both.
Statutory Consent signed up for Hash Flash under the impression that it just required on demand titty flashing. Works in “adult education”, although apparent in her name is more favored among the younger crowd. Can most likely be found acting as third wheel with Pounded in the Can and Rubber Ripper… or blacked out… or both.
Hash Cash (The Purse Strings)
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60K9
60k9 functions as the Federal Reserve Bank of the Hash, in that most people just pretend to know what he does with our money and go along on their merry way. He prefers it this way. |
Hare Razor (The Real Hero Here)
Cuff Me The Vampire Player
Cuff Me the Vampire Player is ready to make all your haring dreams come true, with a mixture of bribery and sweet-talking. But don't take her word for it, please enjoy some reviews she received below:
"You're like a substantial human who is likable" - recent bed companion
"You've got huge front teeth! I'm going to call you rabbit teeth" - random drunk guy at a bar
"Even though you and your sister look so similar, I've never been attracted to you" - sister's wife
"Not interested" - eloquent okcupid user
Cuff Me the Vampire Player is ready to make all your haring dreams come true, with a mixture of bribery and sweet-talking. But don't take her word for it, please enjoy some reviews she received below:
"You're like a substantial human who is likable" - recent bed companion
"You've got huge front teeth! I'm going to call you rabbit teeth" - random drunk guy at a bar
"Even though you and your sister look so similar, I've never been attracted to you" - sister's wife
"Not interested" - eloquent okcupid user
Web Meister (It's Probably My Fault)
Not In My Hair
Hashing since 2010. Hashed across the country and nearly died a few times. Super Nerd.
Hashing since 2010. Hashed across the country and nearly died a few times. Super Nerd.
Events Co-whore-dinator (This Orgy Isn't Gonna Start Itself)
Silence of the Goats
MAYORS CUP
MAYORS CUP
Master Beader & Hash Horn (Wait, That's a Job?)
Ass Ass in Nation
Just a girl dancing around obnoxiously while singing random things and smiling awkwardly at everyone. She enjoys fondling body parts (at "work") and producing awful sounds out of a horn when running through city streets on Thursday evenings!
Just a girl dancing around obnoxiously while singing random things and smiling awkwardly at everyone. She enjoys fondling body parts (at "work") and producing awful sounds out of a horn when running through city streets on Thursday evenings!
Haberdasher (Lack of Style Consultant)
Sphincter Grease
Sphincter Grease is born Kal-El on the alien planet Krypton. His parents, Jor-El and Lara become aware of Krypton's impending destruction and constructed a spacecraft to carry Kal-El to Earth. During Krypton's last moments, Jor-El places young Kal-El in the spacecraft and launches it. Jor-El and Lara die as the spacecraft barely escapes Krypton's fate. The explosion transforms planetary debris into kryptonite, a radioactive substance that is lethal to superpowered (as by Earth's nectar of beer) Kryptonians. The spacecraft lands in the rural United States, where it is found by a passing motorist. Floundering Assplant and the Waukesha H3 adopt Kal-El and name him Sphincter Grease. As Sphincter Grease grows up on Earth, he and his adoptive parents discover that he has superhuman powers. The Hash teaches Sphincter to use these powers responsibly to help others and fight crime. Now, joined by the Super Friends of the Ben Franklin Mob Hash House Harriers, this super powered team fights for 2% truth in accusations, shenanigans, and drunken tomfoolery for all. Evil doers beware!
Sphincter Grease is born Kal-El on the alien planet Krypton. His parents, Jor-El and Lara become aware of Krypton's impending destruction and constructed a spacecraft to carry Kal-El to Earth. During Krypton's last moments, Jor-El places young Kal-El in the spacecraft and launches it. Jor-El and Lara die as the spacecraft barely escapes Krypton's fate. The explosion transforms planetary debris into kryptonite, a radioactive substance that is lethal to superpowered (as by Earth's nectar of beer) Kryptonians. The spacecraft lands in the rural United States, where it is found by a passing motorist. Floundering Assplant and the Waukesha H3 adopt Kal-El and name him Sphincter Grease. As Sphincter Grease grows up on Earth, he and his adoptive parents discover that he has superhuman powers. The Hash teaches Sphincter to use these powers responsibly to help others and fight crime. Now, joined by the Super Friends of the Ben Franklin Mob Hash House Harriers, this super powered team fights for 2% truth in accusations, shenanigans, and drunken tomfoolery for all. Evil doers beware!