Did you even know that the banana split was invented in Pennsylvania? Or that the fastest marathon run by someone in a fruit costume was by some dude dressed as a banana? Or that you can make beer from bananas? Seriously! But instead of a marathon running, beer making, hometown hero we get Fort Dixalot. A shady character who fancies himself some sort of pirate. Pirates are treacherous creatures that steal boats, hold Tom Hanks hostage, take money out of the pockets of struggling recording artists, and keep all the rum for themselves. Hell, there's a good chance Dixalot and his pirate buddies rigged the election. Stealing shit is basically what they do! And now YOU'VE made one of them GM of The Mob.
I hope you're happy, because you're going to be some sad sacks when all you have to show for your wasted vote is 52 straight nautical themed hashes and unfulfilled campaign promises of butt stuff. You'll be begging for some banana then, I tell ya.
Your 20FIXEDteen Ben Franklin Mob H3 Mismanagement
GM - Fort Dixalot
Religious Advisors - Slothy Seconds and Silence of the Goats
OnSecs - Gag Reflex, Bitch Better Have My Shots, Gay Matthews Lamb, Taco? I Barely Know Her, and special foreign correspondant Uncle Fister
Hash Flash - Scarf Ace
Haberdasher - Gay Matthews Lamb