Hare: Cunterfeit Bills/ Same Girl Different Dog
RA: EBS
Attendance: 21
Who Came:
Cockstradomous
R3
Moutin Deez Nuts
Poly Pocket
Same Girl Different Dog
Three Whores Down
EBS
Lincoln Fucknancial Field
Vaginacologist
Cunterfeit Bills
Papa Porta Jawn
Where’s my D?
Tits of Steel
Slothy Seconds
Just Andre
Leaf it up the Arse
Phoof there it is
Just Christina
Vanna Blackout
Just Allison
Just Andrew
Once upon a time in a land far away called South Philly there sat a bar…erm castle, Watkins Drinkery. South Philly and Watkins were magical places. Gathered at Watkins were a group of the most beautiful creatures (hashers in onesies) who identified as Ben Franklin Mobbers. There were the group's fine leaders Slothy Seconds, a sloth, and Moutin Deez Nuts, an admirer of penguins. They even had a jester, Everything Butt Sex, a space cat, who explained the group's expedition. They had many loyal followers gathered as well, such as Cockstradomous, a dragon, R3, a bear with flappy flaps on her face, Poly Pocket, a narwhal, Lincoln Fucknancial Field, a human, Vaginiacologist, a troll, Where’s my D?, a penguin, Tits of Steel, a Cookie Monster, Just Andre, a pink unicorn, Leaf it up the Arse, AKA Darth Vader, and Just Christina, a human. In addition Vanna Blackout, a human, moved to the land to follow this group, while Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog traveled to be there from the far away land of Reading, PA. Two new humans to the group joined them that night as well, Just Allison and Just Andrew. Just Allisons, partner Three Whores Down, whose form could not be identified (I don’t remember if he had a onesie on?) had tried his best to prepare Just Allison for the journey they were about to make. While Just Andrew had been told of this great group through a fellow hasher, um I mean creature, Pornagain Christian.
As they gathered Vanna Blackout spoke of her arduous journey from the land of Roxborough to get there. They poured libations in preparation of their journey ahead. When they were ready they gathered outside of Watkins Drinkery to find strange symbols had been drawn upon the ground. EBS, jester and space cat, explained that two fellow creatures, Cunterfeit Bills, a teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, another Cookie Monster, were on the run with treasure. It was up to this group to follow these strange marks and find them! The visitors/ transplants were asked to identify themselves, and when Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog, did not step forward he was called out. When asked about why, he responded “I just didn’t”. Where’s my D?, the penguin had brought a bubble blower to fight monsters along the way but it broke during a serious battle and she had to leave it behind. This journey was not off to a good start.
The group set off, some running, some jogging, and some walking. The streets of South Philly were lined with beautiful twinkling lights and cars parked way too far into crosswalks. Just Andrew, the newcomer human, proved himself to be a quick learner and mastered the mysterious marks well. He was later to be labeled an “overachiever”, a compliment disguised as an insult. At times the group would stop at marks that looked like song checks to sing, becoming troubadours (that’s a $5 word). Typically these were songs passed down generations, but when an odd silence befell the group, Leaf it in your Arse, AKA Darth Vader, came up with his own song, a riff on some oldie Where’s my D? Was not familiar with. Leaf sang about clits, dicks, and hands on them on the steps of a bar as muggles (non-hashers) walked around him trying to exit the establishment. Eventually the group found Cunterfeit Bills, a teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, a Cookie Monster in the park. There they found the treasure- beer, hard seltzers, sugary confections, birthday hats, and money sign glasses! It was a birthday party! It turned out Cunterfeit Bills and Same Girl Different Dog, as the Aquarians that they are, hadn’t run off with stolen treasure, but were actually celebrating their birthdays and wanted to share the joy with the group. They had left behind those mysterious marks so all the lovely creatures of the Ben Franklin Mob could find them!
There at the park Papa Porta Jawn, an Eeyore, and Three Whores Down, whose form could not be identified, joined the group. Then the group split again as Cunterfeit Bills, the teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, the Cookie Monster had even more treasure hidden in another location! Unfortunately along the way party hats were lost. The group eventually came upon the second location, a shot near! Delicious sweet potions were drunk while the creatures played on a nearby playground. A group of them climbed upon a magical spinning ride, with Just Christina, the human holding on merely by her butthole. When all seemed to be going well, the group had run out of that sweet sweet nectar and Where’s my D?, the penguin never even received any! Luckily Leaf it up the Arse, AKA Darth Vader shared a sip and Vanna Blackout the human had emergency vodka mixed with pedialyte on her, a truly well prepared hasher.
After all had consumed their potions and were full of yummy treasure in their belly and livers, the group was off to return to the castle, Watkins Drinkery. On their travel back they came across a T/E split which was explained as a turkey/ eagle split. Just Andre, who had somehow shape shifted from a pink unicorn into a human was unfamiliar with this. Due to his lighting agility he was recommended to not go on the turkey trail, as it would not be challenging enough for him. On the way Papa Porta Jawn, the Eeyore, and Moutin Deez Nuts, the admirer of penguins, had a speed walk race which was very much frowned upon by Poly Pocket, the Narhwal for racey behavior.
Upon arrival back to Watkins Drinkery disaster was had. Moutin Deez Nuts, admirer of penguins, hash crashed up the stairs and then spilled/ peed beer or something on the ground. The spill was penis shaped at least. While Lincoln Fucknancial Field, the human, spilled ice and water everywhere. It was a disaster and a gang of pool players had started to form and were not too happy with the hash creatures shenanigans. The visitor, Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the frog and transplant, Vanna Blackout, the human, lightened the mood however. Phoof showed off his pecs by making them dance while Vanna flashed everyone her fanny. The comes latelys, Tits of Steel, the Cookie Monster, and Vaginacologist, the troll were jeered. Tits of Steel revealed herself to be a sexy mermaid under her Cookie Monster form. Just Allison, the human was called out for being way too prepared for a hash. Where’s my D, the penguin was called out for being that white girl. Names were mistaken; is it Phoof or Floof or Poof? Tits of Steel became Steel of Tits, and Slothy turned into Sloppy.
The best part of the night however did not start until it was time to truly celebrate the birthdays in the best way hash creatures know how, with side-sides! Counterfeit Bills had transformed from a cute teddy bear into a sexy golden goddess. In Cunterfeit Bill fashion, she required a shot of whiskey instead of beer for her side-side. This may have been a calculated move on her part as there was not enough time to tie her shoes together. Same Girl, Different Dog, the Cookie Monster and Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog also celebrated their birthdays with side-sides. The group continued to drink throughout the night eventually parting ways. On-On until their next adventure!